Welcome to Friday Night Bitch Fight, and thank you for joining us for a very special episode. Later tonight, we'll witness the nuptials of Ethan Carter III and Tiffany, but first: He may have been granted the last two weeks off from in-ring competition, but Shane McMahon wishes to remind EC3 that he
is still the Universal Champion, so we're kicking things off with a number one contender's battle royal, where the winner will face EC3 for the Universal Championship when he returns from his honeymoon next week.
Brandon's theme hits, and the BP Universe jump out of their seats for the fan favorite. He's followed by
Dolph Ziggler,
Zack Ryder,
Tye Dillinger,
Aron Rex,
Davey Richards with
Angelina Love,
Kevin Owens, and finally,
John Cena. The official calls for the bell, and Aron Rex lets his fur coat fall to the floor, revealing flesh-colored trunks. Brandon's jaw drops and he laughs, and Cena mouths 'Oh my God,' looking from Aron to the blonde. Rex and Ziggler advance on Brandon, who gestures for them to bring it, while Cena locks up with Owens, and Ryder takes on Davey and Dillinger. The men battle around the ring, trading off with one another in the process. Zack is trying to eliminate Davey Richards when Angelina Love climbs onto the ring apron to shout at him. Zack turns his back on Richards to exchange words with his wife, and Davey charges at him from behind. Angelina ducks right as Ryder sidesteps Richards, and her husband goes flying over her head to the floor! Ryder winds up on the ring apron not long after that and keeps Owens at bay with a forearm, but Dolph eliminates him with a Superkick. Across the ring, Rex is lounging fabulously between the ropes in a corner, laughing at Ryder's elimination, when Cena runs over and flips him out of the ring to the floor! While Cena turns his attention to Owens and Ziggler, Brandon and Dillinger come face to face, and the audience starts chanting, "Ten!" Instead of locking up with Brandon, Dillinger pivots and points to his ass. There's a 10 on the back of his trunks, and he flexes his glutes. Is he suggesting he has a better butt than Brandon?!? Brandon shrugs and nods in approval, but since Dillinger is presenting it to him on a silver platter, he licks his palm and rears his hand back, slapping Dillinger's ass so hard it echoes throughout the arena! Dillinger clutches his cheeks and jumps up and down, and Brandon grabs him by his trunks and tosses him over the top rope! Dolph comes charging at Brandon when he turns around, but Brandon drops to the mat and pulls the top rope down, sending Dolph spilling out onto the floor. It's down to Cena, Brandon, and Owens, and Cena and Brandon exchange a look and nod at one another, charging at KO. The two beat him down into the fetal position, and Brandon grabs Owens' wrist and attempts to whip him into the a corner, but Owens reverses it. He then charges at Brandon, who hoists himself up into a split between the top ropes - thinking sunset flip, perhaps? But Owens pumps the brakes, and instead shoves Brandon to the outside, where he crashes onto the ring apron and falls to the floor. The audience boos, and it's now between Cena and Owens. Cena hits a spin-out powerbomb leaving Owens sprawled out in the center of the ring and jumps to his feet, signaling for the Five Knuckle Shuffle. He runs the ropes, but when he turns back around he sees KO hop to his feet. Cena goes for a clothesline, but KO ducks and grabs him from behind, and German suplexes him over the top rope to the floor! The officials on the outside run to check on Cena, who's lying there unconscious, while the audience chants, "Holy shit!" Another official raises Kevin Owens' hand in victory, and a graphic appears at the bottom of the screen, signifying that he's the new number one contender.
We cut to the back, where a room has been decorated for a pre-wedding reception for
Ethan Carter III and
Tiffany. There're balloons and streamers and tables with centerpieces, and a table with champagne, hors d'oeuvres, and a wedding cake; and
DJ Z is even on the ones and twos. The couple are mingling with their guests - members of the FNBF roster - who are all dressed up for the occasion, when they're approached by
The Miz and
Maryse. EC3 and Tiffany tense when they see them, but The Miz says they come in peace. "We just wanted to wish you both the best. And to show you there are no hard feelings, we even brought a gift." he tells them. From behind his back, The Miz presents them with a Blu-ray/DVD of Tomb Invader. Hanging onto EC3's arm, Tiffany looks down at it like it's diseased. "We even signed it for you." The Miz adds, sharing a smirk with Maryse. "You shouldn't have." EC3 says; his expression making it clear he isn't joking, before taking the Blu-ray/DVD. "By the way, Tiffany, isn't it against tradition for Ethan to see you in your wedding dress? That's bad luck, and you two . . . are going to need all the help you can get." Maryse giggles. Tiffany also chuckles, but tells Maryse this is only her
first wedding dress; she'll wear her real one later. But speaking of tradition, she can't help but notice that Maryse decided to wear white to her wedding. "Oh, girl. I just thought at least one of us should." Maryse tells her, giving her a not-so-subtle wink. The shade. Tiffany pinches her face together in another fake laugh, and The Miz and Maryse turn away, snickering to themselves. Behind them, EC3 chucks their copy of Tomb Invader over his shoulder, sighing with relief that they're gone.
We return to the ring for Cruiserweight action, and
Cedric Alexander makes his in-ring debut against the man he laid out last week:
Tony Nese. Cedric wows the BP Universe with his flashy offense, including a backflip handstand headscissors takedown, and then a split-legged moonsault, but Nese gets his knees up. Nese goes for a roll-up on Cedric with a handful of tights, but Cedric reverses it and rolls Tony up, peeling Nese's trunks back in return; giving the audience a peek at his cheeks while the ref counts the one-two-three! Nese is so mad he argues with the ref with his cakes still on display as Cedric celebrates his win.
Backstage,
Burke and
Dana Brooke are entering the pre-wedding reception. "Yo, yo, yo!" Burke announces, strutting into the room. My God. He's wearing a tuxedo jacket and a kilt. "Sup, Usos?" he asks, nodding to
The Usos, who suck their teeth at him. "T.J.P." Burke continues, holding his fist out to fist-bump
T.J. Perkins, who reluctantly reciprocates. "The Carter!" Burke exclaims, attempting to dap with
Ethan Carter III when they approach him and
Tiffany (
who's wearing a different wedding dress than before), as they're trying to talk to Ethan's father,
Ethan Carter II. "What up, my ni-" Tiffany gasps, but before Burke can finish, the record
DJ Z is spinning scratches, and everyone stops. Burke's eyes widen at something off-screen, and the camera pans over to
Sasha Banks,
Ember Moon,
Ariane Andrew and
The New Day. They're all staring incredulously at him; their expressions ranging from anger to shock. The camera pans back to Burke, and he gulps. Dana is visibly uncomfortable on his arm. "My ninja." Burke decides, turning back to EC3. Ethan and Tiffany share a confused look, because he still doesn't know who Burke is, and she's wondering who invited him. "Burke!" Shane McMahon exclaims, putting his arm around the Scottish Stud and pulling him away. "Just the man I was looking for." Carmella and James Ellsworth step into frame opposite Burke and Dana, and Carmella has her arms crossed. Burke sucks his teeth at the duo. "Man! What y'all want now?" he asks. Shane informs Burke that Carmellsworth came to him earlier and showed him where Burke interfered last week. Shane says that since Burke and Dana can't stay out of each others' matches, tonight, they're gonna have themselves a mixed tag match. At this, Carmella looks down at her attire. She's one of Tiffany's bridesmaids, and she's already in her dress. In fact, all four of them are dressed in their formal attire. Carmella points this out, and Shane says he guesses it'll just have to be a tuxedo/evening gown match then. "Are those hors d'oeuvres?" the General Manager then asks, making his leave while Carmella and James Ellsworth, and Burke and Dana Brooke, share apprehensive looks.
Next, we cut to the ring, where
Jason and
Seth Rollins are set for action. But first, Jason has something to say. The thot starts by stating that Ethan Carter III and Tiffany may be the ones getting married, but he and Seth will be having a honeymoon of their own tonight after winning the tag team titles. So he asks American Alpha to hurry up and come down to the ring so they can get things underway, because he and Seth have a
long night ahead of them.
We go to the back, where
American Alpha are standing by with FNBF's new backstage interviewer,
McKenzie Mitchell. (
Ariane Andrew has been promoted, and now co-hosts the FNBF after-show - Tough Talk - with Shane McMahon.) McKenzie asks Chad Gable if he's prepared to defend American Alpha's Tag Team Championship against the man he loved, but before he can answer, Jason Jordan cuts him off. He tells Gable to forget about that slut. "I'm the only Jason you need." he earnestly tells him. Gable considers Jordan's words and decides that he's right. The two fist-bump and make their way to guerrilla, while McKenzie looks into the camera and shrugs.
The Tag Team Champions' theme hits and
American Alpha make a beeline to the ring. Jason Jordan's pep talk clearly made an impression on Chad Gable, because he slides in the ring and spears
Jason off of his feet! Gable lays into Jason with right hands, but
Seth Rollins makes the save, and he and Gable start the match. Gable tags out to Jordan and together they double-team Rollins, but Jason distracts the official, allowing Rollins to low blow Jordan and make the tag to Jason. Jason enters the ring and stands over Jordan, who's writhing on the mat cradling his junk, and raises his hands over his head and performs a grind, lowering himself on top of Jordan in a suggestive cover. Jordan kicks out at two, but the move has obviously gotten under Gable's skin. Jason stands up and delivers a kick to Jordan, then runs the ropes and attempts to hit an elbow drop, but Jordan rolls out of the way and makes the hot tag to Gable! Jason's eyes widen as his ex enters the ring. He scrambles to his feet, but gets knocked down with a dropkick, and then another. Both men scurry to their feet, and Jason tries to halt Gable's momentum with a kick to the gut, but Gable catches his foot and flips him into an ankle lock! It looks like Jason is on the verge of tapping, but he fights out of it and hobbles onto one leg, where he manages to hit an enziguri. Gable crawls slowly to his corner to tag out to Jordan, but just before he can, Seth Rollins jerks Jordan down from the ring apron and shoves him into the barricade. Gable barely makes it to his feet before Jason puts him back down with the Raindrop, and he covers Gable in another suggestive pin to add insult to injury as the ref counts to three, declaring Jason and Rollins the winners, and therefor, your new Tag Team Champions. The ref raises their hands in victory, and then Jason delivers another message into the mic. He sends their regards to EC3 and Tiffany, but says they wont be able to make it to the ceremony tonight, because they have new titles to christen. "All. Night. Long." he grins, before jumping into Rollins' arms and wrapping his legs around him; the couple sharing a pornographic tongue kiss as we fade to commercial.
When we return, the camera has snuck up on
Charlotte Flair, and her father,
Ric Flair, talking in the empty corridor just outside of Ethan Carter III and Tiffany's pre-wedding reception. "Dad, are you
drunk?!" Charlotte demands. "You know how important tonight is, so you better not mess this up for me, old man, OR I'LL PUT YOU IN A HOME!" she shouts, yolking him up by his sports coat. Ric shoves Charlotte off of him, slurring something about "sixteen-time," and "wheeling and dealing," before WOO'ing several times in her face and taking another sip of his drink from the open bar and strutting back inside. Charlotte watches him leave with her lips pursed in anger, before stomping her foot and marching off in the opposite direction to get ready for her match against Nikki Bella.
Back in the ring,
Carmella's theme is dying down and she and
James Ellsworth are awaiting their opponents. She's still dressed in her bridesmaid dress, and he's still in his tuxedo - complete with ripped jeans and a snapback, courtesy of Carmella.
Burke's music hits, and he and
Dana Brooke make their entrance, also dressed in formal attire. And, oh God, no. Burke's holding a mic . . .
"It's the hottest couple on TV, give it up for me and Ms. Brooke.
The cutest couple, since Ryan and Rachel starred in The Notebook!
We run this show; got all you other couples shook.
Crying your eyes out, like a geek who lost his comic book!
What happened James, man? You look like the goddamn Elephant Man.
You better call 911; it looks like your girl there overdosed on fake tan!
You both horrifying to look at; messier than childbirth.
Why is the biggest star on this show, wrestling James Ellsworth?
You think you got a fighting chance, just because you got two hands?
Well how does it feel to have more hands, than you got fans?
For real though, I'm sorry to hear about your conjoined twin.
I heard it got ripped off your face, and flew away with your chin!
You need to look up to us, so I hope you ain't afraid of heights.
At the end of this match, you'll be looking up at them Friday Night lights!
It's time to get rid of you; leave you on the cutting room floor.
So we're saying farewell to little Jimmy, and cancelling this Jersey whore!
Dana's hot as hell, but Carmella, you lookin' a little chilly.
After this match, only one of you is gettin' a piece of Willie!
Dana says that's it, I've already spit enough of this ether.
We've come out on top as usual, but I always end up underneath her!"
Burke is careful not to flash an up-kilt shot as he climbs into the ring, and Carmella and Dana opt to start things out. Dana once again relies on her strength to control the match, but Carmella reverses a sidewalk slam attempt into a headscissors takedown and starts tearing at Dana's dress, which brings Burke into the ring, but he gets tackled by James Ellsworth, who starts to rip at Burke's tuxedo jacket and dress shirt! The ref loses control of the match as all four participants brawl in the ring, and Carmella whips Dana into a corner. She's about to hit the Staten Island Shuffle when Burke runs over and nudges Dana under the bottom rope and out of the ring with his foot, only to take her place and ask Carmella to give him the Staten Island Shuffle instead! Carmella is absolutely disgusted, but Burke closes his eyes and kicks his legs in excitement, beaming from ear to ear. It isn't Carmella who gives him the Staten Island Shuffle, though - it's James Ellsworth! Burke gags in disgust and Dana slides back into the ring and clubs Carmella across the back as she's laughing at him. Dana tears her dress off with ease, revealing the leopard print bra and panty set Carmella's wearing underneath, and then she sets her sights on Ellsworth. "No, no, no!" Dana says, shaking her finger at him. No one messes with her man. Ellsworth holds his hands up and tries to plead with Dana, but she locks up with him and lifts him into a suplex! Instead of slamming him to the mat, Dana shows off her strength by walking Ellsworth around the ring and doing squats. But while she's showboating, Carmella recovers, and she starts to unzip the back of Dana's dress! Dana drops Ellsworth and tries to hold onto her evening gown, but Carmella strips her out of it, leaving her in her lingerie! Behind Carmella, Burke climbs to the top turnbuckle and dives towards her; his kilt fanning up in the process, revealing the metallic purple thong he's wearing underneath. Ellsworth pushes Carmella out of harm's way, taking the double axe handle from Burke instead. As Burke stares down at Ellsworth, Carmella runs up behind him and and yanks his kilt down around his ankles! The ref calls for the bell and raises Carmella's hand in victory, while she twirls Burke's kilt above her head in her other hand. Burke slides out of the ring, staring wide eyed around the arena at everyone laughing at him, while doing his best to cover himself with his hands. Dana runs over and hoists Burke over her shoulder, hurrying to the back with him in tow, which elicits even more laughter. Back in the ring, Carmella is also laughing at their expense when Ellsworth comes to. Carmella is so impressed with Jimmy for saving her, she decides, what the hell? And gives him a small kiss on the lips. Ellsworth's eyes pop open in shock, and he still can't believe his luck when Carmella takes him by the hand and leads him to the back. After all, she needs a date for the wedding . . .
Once again, we cut to the pre-wedding reception, and this time,
Brandon and
Tiffany are talking, and she's wearing yet
another new wedding dress. "Seriously, Tiffany. I'm so happy for you." Brandon says with sincerity. "I wont lie. At first? I wasn't so sure about Ethan." he laughs; a gesture she shares. "But, having gotten to know him, I think I like him after all." he teases. "Well, sorry, girl, but he's no longer on the market." Tiffany jokes. Brandon laughs and rolls his eyes, ignoring her. "But most importantly, I can tell how happy you two make each other, and that makes me happy." Brandon smiles. Tiffany forces a smile in return, but it's clear his words have resonated with her. "I'm, uh . . . gonna go get ready, okay?" she says. Brandon nods, and the Meanest Girls share a heartfelt hug before Tiffany leaves to change into her fourth and final wedding dress.
The New Age Outlaws step into frame when Brandon turns around, and the blonde beams upon seeing them. Road Dogg explains that the two BP Legends are here for the festivities, and Billy Gunn tells Brandon that it's too bad he didn't win the battle royal earlier, because they were rooting for him. While Brandon and Billy talk, Road Dogg has a sense of déjà vu, stemming from Brandon's birthday party three years ago. He leans to one side and checks out Billy's ass, then leans to the other and checks out Brandon's, before standing up straight and stroking his chin. Unexpectedly, Road Dogg reaches up and plucks a hair from both of their heads at the same time. They both grab the tops of their heads and wince, but Road Dogg steps between them and out of the room, methodically studying the two strands of blonde hair. Billy shrugs, shooting Brandon an apologetic look for his strange behavior.
It's now time for our Women's Championship match, and the challenger,
Charlotte Flair, makes her way down to the ring first. After a beat,
Nikki Bella's theme hits, and the BP Universe pop for the defending champion. Nikki raises her title in the air, but foregoes the Bella booty shake, keeping her eyes trained on Charlotte instead. She's ready for the fight of her life. The ref calls for the bell, and immediately, Charlotte goes to work targeting the neck. She hits Nikki with swinging neckbreakers, and a kneeling hangman's neckbreaker, and she even locks in a figure-four headscissors, transitioning the hold into push-up facebusters. To put it simply, Charlotte is making Nikki her bitch. But this only lights a fire in the Women's Champion, and when Charlotte attempts to lay her out with a big boot, Nikki catches her foot. Charlotte's jaw drops, and she tries to reason with Nikki while the audience cheers. Nikki flips Charlotte onto her stomach and applies the Fearless Lock, and Charlotte is in the middle of the ring with nowhere to go! After several agonizing seconds it looks as if Charlotte is going to tap, but boos alert us to the stage, where
Ric Flair is stumbling down the ramp. He pauses to down the rest of his drink, which he then tosses over his shoulder, before stripping out of his blazer. He then rubs his hands together and clambers onto the ring apron, arguing with the official. Nikki releases the hold and is trying to tell the ref to get Ric out of here, but his distraction allows Charlotte to hit the big boot, which connects this time. With Nikki sprawled out on the mat, it looks like the Women's Championship is in Charlotte's grasp, but cheers now alert us to the stage, and
John Cena is hobbling down to the ring! He grabs Ric's ankle and yanks him down from the ring apron, and Ric crumbles to the floor in a heap. Charlotte's jaw falls to the floor and she start to shout at Cena, who advises her to turn around. Slowly, Charlotte does, and she finds Nikki back on her feet, favoring her neck and glaring at her. Narrowing her eyes at the blonde, Nikki kicks Charlotte in the stomach and she stumbles back against the ropes, then bounces off of them and into a Rack Attack 2.0! Nikki rolls Charlotte over and covers her for the one-two-three, and Cena enters the ring to present her Women's title to her, and he raises her hand in victory along with the ref.
We cut to the back, and we see a shot of
Ethan Carter III walking to guerrilla, straightening his tie. He and Tiffany tie the knot live, and it's next!
When we return, we're shown a shot of the ring, and the ropes have been taken down and there're floral garlands wrapped around the ring posts. There's a red carpet rolled out in the middle of the ring, and there's a floral arch in the center of it with a mic stand for the minister, EC3, and Tiffany to speak into, and EC3 and Tiffany's guests are seated in chairs along the ramp. Jessie Godderz is once again donning his Chippendales getup, ushering guests to their seats. Music begins to play, and
Briley Pierce and
Alicia Fox make their way to the ring, arm in arm. As they pass, we see a shot of
Noam Dar shedding a tear for how beautiful Miss Foxy looks. They're followed by
Robbie E and
Carmella, who's still in her bra and panties after having her bridesmaid dress ripped off earlier, and then the oddly sized pairing of
Rockstar Spud and
Nia Jax. Next we have the best man and the maid of honor, EC3's dad,
Ethan Cater II, and . . . is that
Joanne the Scammer? The groomsmen and bridesmaids split up as they enter the ring and take their places opposite one another on either side of the floral arch.
Ethan Carter III makes his way out now, and he coolly fist-bumps EC2 as he joins him in the ring. Next, some elegant music begins to play, and
Mandy Rose steps out on stage in a dress that's complimentary of the one the bridesmaids are wearing, with a rose crown atop her head. Mandy slinks down the aisle, sprinkling rose petals all around her, before taking her place by the steel steps outside the ring. Finally, it's the moment we've all been waiting for. Here Comes the Bride begins to play, and everyone turns their heads to the stage for a glimpse at Tiffany. But the traditional Bridal Chorus has been remixed, and
Tiffany struts out on stage with her best supermodel walk. She even gives a twirl. "Naomi Campbell, eat your heart out!"
Corey Graves exclaims as Tiffany carefully climbs the steel steps in her high-low wedding dress and heels. Tiffany takes her place opposite EC3 in the ring, and flashes him a nervous, but excited grin. The minister advises anyone who objects to these two joining each other in holy matrimony to speak now or forever hold their peace, but when
The Miz and
Maryse attempt to stand,
Shane McMahon and
Brandon, who're sitting on either side of them, hold their arms out to stop them; pushing them back into their seats. The minister proceeds with the vows, and Tiffany's excited expression begins to fade as he speaks. Especially when he gets to the part about, "for richer, for poorer." Tiffany takes a deep breath and fans herself, while the minister asks EC3 if he takes her to be his lawfully wedded bride, to which he replies, "Of-freakin'-course." The minister then asks Tiffany if she takes EC3 to be her lawfully wedded husband, and she licks her lips nervously. "I . . ." Tiffany leans into the microphone to say, but her words fall short. She avoids EC3's concerned gaze, looking out at the crowd and biting her lip, wringing her bouquet. "I . . ." she starts to say again, once again unable to finish. She presses her fingers to her lips, like she's about to be sick, and her bridesmaids ask her if she's all right, looking equally as concerned for her as EC3. "HE! IS! BROKE! HE! IS! BROKE! HE! IS! BROKE!" the BP Universe chants at her, causing her chest to heave. She's on the verge of a full blown panic attack when she finally grabs the mic stand and blurts out, "I cant!" Tiffany's eyes are wide at her own words, and EC3's jaw drops. The bridesmaids gasp, sharing scandalized looks with one another, while his groomsmen look crestfallen. We see a shot of their guests, and they're all murmuring among themselves. EC3 steps closer to Tiffany and tries to stroke her cheek to calm her down so they can talk, but she pushes his hand away and flees the ring! Their guests collectively gasp and jump to their feet as she runs past them down the aisle, casting horrified glances over her shoulder at the ring. The audience is reveling in the drama as we return to the ring for a shot of EC3, who clearly has no idea what's gotten into Tiffany, and we fade out on his bewildered expression.
I really thought this was going to be the wrestling wedding that would work out. 
