Post by Brandon on Jun 24, 2012 14:25:34 GMT -5
Beautiful Persons presents…Ho Surrender!
[/size][/b][/center]Our aspiring cruiserweight division kicked things off with an online web exclusive match that saw Jesse Sorensen face the duo I am from this point forward dubbing Jerseylicious, Robbie E. and Zack Ryder, in a handicap bout. Even though Robbie and Ryder wouldn't need to fight over who got to pin Jesse this time, the issue would never occur, because just like last week, it was Sorensen who picked up the win by rolling up an unsuspecting Zack Ryder. Once again Jesse was victorious, but once again Ryder and Robbie attacked him after the match. Their beat down was interrupted however when Evan Bourne cleared the ring and raised Jesse's hand in victory while Ryder and Robbie retreated to the back.
With our pre-show contest out of the way, Ho Surrender officially kicked off with a United States Championship match that saw Jayzero defending against Cody Rhodes. Rhodes had been a thorn in Jayzero's side in the weeks leading up to Ho Surrender, attacking then ducking the champion, but once Jayzero finally got his hands on Cody he took genuine pleasure in making him pay. After dishing out more damage than some would deem necessary to a submissive Cody, Jayzero put his opponent away with the Zero Hour to retain the title.
Next up, THE Tarrynator faced The Miz in a rematch from some weeks ago, but this time Maryse was in The Miz's corner . . . still sporting the fur coat THE Tarrynator bought her. THE Tarrynator watched brokenheartedly as Maryse gave The Miz a kiss for good luck, which seemed to throw THE Tarrynator into some untapped, jealous, primal rage. Just when it appeared as if THE Tarrynator might get himself disqualified, Maryse climbed onto the ring apron and captivated him with a breathtaking, almost slow motion, hair flip. While THE Tarrynator watched in awe, The Miz snuck up behind him and struck with the Skull Crushing Finale for the win. With THE Tarrynator lying unconscious in the center of the ring, The Miz held the ropes for Maryse, who took to the microphone to inform THE Tarrynator that she had her "coat guy" look at her fur and he determined it was a knockoff. Maryse went on to diss THE Tarrynator in French before dumping her faux fur on his prone body and escorting The Miz from the ring.
The World's Funkiest Man was given the opportunity to exact revenge upon the Beautiful People when he and his Funkadactyls faced the threesome in mixed tag team action. The Beautiful People dominated the early going against Cameron and Naomi, but once WFM was tagged into the match, the Beautiful People wanted no part of it. All three girls climbed onto the ring apron and continued to tag one another, refusing to enter the ring. After Lacey Von Erich was tagged and Velvet Sky and Angelina Love jumped down from the ring apron, WFM decided to bring our Women's Champion in the hard way and hip tossed her into the ring. WFM stalked Von Erich, who crawled into a corner and begged for her life until WFM was close enough for her to lock in the Von Erich Claw - to his groin! With WFM subdued, Angelina baited the Funkadactyls into entering the ring, distracting the official long enough for Velvet to join Lacey and plant WFM with a Double D DDT, allowing Lacey to cover WFM and pick up the dirty victory for the Beautiful People.
Jason was out next for his match against Daniel Bryan, who was accompanied to the ring by our guest timekeeper, Jessica. Before allowing the match to start, Bryan demanded a microphone and attempted to give Jason another verbal lashing as he had done last week on NFA. This time however, Jason smacked Bryan's microphone out of his hand mid-sentence and gripped him by the throat, causing the referee to signal for the bell. Jason unleashed all of his frustrations on Bryan and appeared to have the match won after locking in the same maneuver that Bryan used to make him tap last week: the Yes! Lock. With Bryan on the verge of tapping, Jessica prematurely rang the bell and Jason jumped for joy, thinking he'd won the match. While the referee explained the mishap to Jason, Bryan snuck up behind his opponent and locked in the Yes! Lock for himself, forcing Jason to submit. Bryan ran around the ring like a damn fool while J.R. and King discussed Jessica's hand in the controversial ending as well as her strange behavior since she began dating Bryan.
After that debacle, Tiffany and Kaitlyn made their entrances in silk robes and prepared to show their asses (literally) in a bikini showdown. As the challenger, and defending bikini contest queen, Tiffany went first. Tiffany twerked in the ring for her allotted time before strutting to her corner and disinterestedly turning her back as Kaitlyn began her routine. Kaitlyn disrobed and did a halfhearted routine including the robot while Tiffany made bloated gestures behind her back. Once both ladies were finished, emcee Ashley surveyed the audience - who unanimously declared Kaitlyn the winner! Kaitlyn and Ashley proceeded to do the robot while Tiffany seethed and judged them accordingly.
It was a battle of blondes versus brunettes as the team of Brandon, Dolph Ziggler, Kelly Kelly and Taryn Terrell prepared to face Burke, Drew McIntyre, and Brie and Nikki Bella. But as usual, Burke just had to stall.
"Last month I was World Champion, why am I relegated to some eight person tag?
These four just aren't on my level, they're already waving that white flag!
Brandon & Dolph? How many times do I gotta beat you dudes?
"FU! FU! FU!", even good ole J.R. knows how this story concludes!
And we got Taryn and Kelly, AKA Barbie A and Barbie B
Drew and I can attest, you ain't got nothing on Nikki and Brie!
You keep trying to step up to us, but the results are always tragic
You just can't keep up, with the Sinister Scots and that Bella twin magic!
We hold all the titles, but not one of y'all is a worthy contender
Now stand back, we about to make all four of these Ho(es) Surrender!"
After grabbing his crotch and dropping the microphone like a true MC, Burke was dropped by Brandon with a Thesz press to start the match. At one point all eight competitors found themselves inside the squared circle after Drew and the Bella twins entered the ring to break up a pin on Burke. The blondes quickly neutralized their opponents and whipped one into every turnbuckle, leading to the first ever quadruple Asstastic! Brandon waited for Burke to stumble out of the corner, wiping his face in disgust, before sneaking up behind the Scot, licking his palm, and knocking him off his feet with a devastating Weapon of Ass Destruction for the win. Drew and Brie supported Burke's weight while he limped to the back, clutching his sore ass along the way while Brandon, Dolph and the Blondetourage celebrated in the ring. While the age old saying might not always be true, blondes certainly had more fun tonight.
Sable and Maxine were on their way to the skybox for the main event when Sable abruptly stopped her young assistant. Sable admitted that these past couple of months have been very stressful for her dealing with Tiarnán, but Maxine's been a great help to her and an even greater addition to NFA. Sable thanked Maxine again before breaking her hard, business exterior to embrace Maxine in a hug. While Sable smiled genuinely, the camera panned around to Maxine's face over her shoulder, revealing a calculating smirk.
Whelp. When special guest referee Mick Foley's music hit, it was that time. Tiarnán was out next, followed by the World Champion, John Cena. You could pierce the tension with a botox syringe as Foley raised the title between both men and signaled for the bell. The match was somewhat reminiscent of Trish Stratus © vs. Mickie James circa WrestleMania 22, with the Ho Surrender crowd surprisingly cheering for Tiarnán over the always controversial Cena. It became clear that Foley, still haunted by his match against Tiarnán last month, wasn't impartial when Tiarnán covered Cena and Foley looked down at the expecting challenger with a look of contempt. Tiarnán jumped to his feet and got in Foley's face, threatening to put him away for another month if he didn't do his job, which only angered Foley even more. With the challenger and referee exchanging heated words, Cena recovered and used his wits to roll Tiarnán's shoulders to the mat with a schoolboy. In contrast to before, Foley dove to the mat and counted as fast as he could. Even with Foley speed counting, Tiarnán's shoulder clearly made it off the mat before the count of three, but Foley signaled for the bell and declared Cena the winner anyway. Tiarnán appeared legitimately outraged, and even Cena didn't want to win the match this way, but Mick's decision was set in stone. Tiarnán spit in Foley's face, earning a resounding pop from the crowd, before storming out. With his head hung in shame, Cena raised the World title out of respect for the championship, but he was met with a unanimous chorus of boos (Well, except for one high-pitched scream. Say, wasn't that Burke?). The fans proceeded to throw chairs and drinks and popcorn into the ring at Foley and Cena as our controversial Ho Surrender PPV came to a close.
