BP NFA 2012

[Brandon]

Full Match Card for Barebacklash

Planet Funk vs. Alberto Del Rio & the Bella Twins

Tag Team Championship - Ladder Match
Air Boom © vs. European Invasion vs. the Party Boyz

Brock Lesnar vs. Jayzero

Women's Tag Team Championship
Blondetourage vs. the Beautiful People

European Championship
Tarry © vs. Chris Jericho

Women's Championship - Cage Match
Tiffany © vs. Jessica vs. Kharma

Burke vs. John Cena

World Heavyweight Championship
Brandon © vs. Tiarnán

[Burke]

Beautiful Persons presents…Barebacklash!

[Brandon]

Barebacklash!

In our opening contest, the World's Funkiest Man settled the score against Albert Del Rio in a six person mixed tag team match. Along with the Funkettes, WFM was able to best Del Rio and the Bella Twins when he hit the Mexican Aristocrat with the World's Strongest Slam. The Funkettes hit dual butt bumps on the twins to keep them at bay while WFM scored the win.

The Tag Team Championship was on the line when Air Boom defended against European Invasion and the Party Boyz in a three way ladder match, but the champions were able to prevail after Evan Bourne sacrificed himself and hit a Shooting Star Press from atop the ladder onto all four of his opponents, allowing Kofi Kingston to grab the titles.

After weeks of talking the talk, it was time for Jazyero to walk the walk as he faced Brock Lesnar one on one. Unfortunately for Jayzero, it appeared he was all bark and no bite. As soon as the bell rang, Jayzero charged toward Lesnar, only to be hoisted onto the MMA fighter's shoulders and F-5'ed in the middle of the ring in a laughable squash match.

In the finals of the month long tournament, the Women's Tag Team Championship was decided in a match that pit the Beautiful People against Blondetourage. The match wasn't nearly as one-sided as the BP had hoped, and they might have been scared for their chances if it weren't for Lacey Von Erich. When Kelly Kelly ran the ropes to hit the whirlybird headscissors on Angelina Love, Lacey held on to the Maxim cover girl's ankle. After rolling her neck and asking Lacey if she was "freakin' kidding" her, Kelly turned around to be met with a Botox Injection courtesy of Love. The Beautiful People celebrated their win excitedly while Taryn and the official checked on K2.

After weeks of embarrassing losses to Chris Jericho, THE Tarrynator was regrettably forced to defend his European Championship against Y2J. In the early going, Jericho proved just why he's the self professed best in the world at what he does by controlling the better part of the match. It wasn't until Jericho attempted a springboard dropkick that Tarry was able to catch Jericho by the legs and finally lock in The REAL Walls of Jericho, forcing Y2J to tap.

There were no friends going into the cage match for the Women's Championship, but Tiffany and Jessica discovered that they would have to work together if they wanted to defeat Kharma. By working together the two were able to bring the beast to her knees, and thanks to Tiffany they were able to keep her there by tying Kharma's braids to the cage! With Kharma subdued, Tiffany turned on Jessica and attacked her from behind. With both of her opponents at her mercy, Tiffany opted to talk trash instead of going for the pin. Tiffany teased Kharma about being tied up, but the Women's Champion forgot that Kharma's legs were still free. After nailing Tiffany with a stiff boot to the face, the champ stumbled into a roll up by Jessica, scoring the challenger her first Women's Championship.

In what most considered to be the real main event of the evening, Burke faced his long time friend and recent rival, John Cena, in an immensely personal match. After a back and forth bout that left both men weary, Burke pulled Cena onto his shoulders in an attempt to hit the man with the finisher that he taught him. Burke got a little too cocky though, and Cena managed to wriggle free, landing behind Burke where he pulled the Scotsman's legs out from underneath him and locked in the STFU. Burke was reluctant to submit, but ultimately he had no choice other than to tap like a bitch, proving that he was still just a Slim Shady to Cena's Dr. Dre.

In our final match of the evening, Brandon put the World Heavyweight Championship on the line against Tiarnán. The challenger attempted to rely on his advanced knowledge of wrestling, but to his surprise Brandon countered many of his holds, proving that he had worked on his craft since their last one on one encounter. Brandon found himself on a roll, hitting Tiarnán with a couple of clothesline and a dropkick that sent the challenger stumbling into a corner where Brandon attempted to hit the Asstastic. While Brandon backed it up like a Tonka truck, Tiarnán sprang out of the corner and jumped on Brandon's back, locking in the Dragon Sleeper. Brandon tried to fight out of the hold, but Tiarnán held on like a rabid animal and Brandon passed out under the pressure. After being pried off of Brandon by the official, Tiarnán was awarded the World Heavyweight Championship. After hitting a Power Ranger pose in the center of the ring, Tiarnán stroked his championship and told it how happy he was that they were finally together as we signed off.

[Burke]

Jayzero got squashed faster than you did last month!

Being a heel and receiving your comeuppance feels just as good as being a babyface and getting the big win. I really would tap out like a bitch if I was in that position.

Congrats to our new champions T, MC and TBP! Lacey didn't have to do Kelly like that though.

[Tiarnán]

<3

Congrats to Jessica too.

My new champion theme by the way:



Who is next?

[Tiarnán]

Or wait, I'm against sex and stuff, right? 'Dirty hands. I demand.' might not be the most apt lyric.

This:

[Tarry]

I loved every second of this month, B.

But tune in this Wednesday night to see NFA completely turned on it's head!

[Burke]

No Fatties Allowed Episode 52!

---

We're killing it in the ratings right now! Impact is the closest show to us right now and even that is almost 2 full ratings points behind us.

[Tarry]

No Fatties Allowed Episode 52!

Our blockbuster episode kicks off rather controversially, as Co-GM Mick Foley announces that a higher power has demanded that the result of Brandon & Tiarnán's match this past Sunday at Barebacklash, MUST be overturned. The new BP World Champion, Tiarnán makes his way to the ring, and hands the title over. Brandon walks to the ring, and reluctantly accepts the World Championship. "This isn't right, I don't deserve this," Brandon says, and he looks down at his championship. Tiarnán mutters, "This isn't fair," over and over again as he stares at the World Championship. Mick Foley then announces Tiarnán vs. Goldberg later tonight, and a huge Feast or Fired match that's up next!

The BP European Champion, THE Tarrynator pulls down Briefcase Number One as soon as the bell rings. A mystery man runs in and attacks Jayzero, he hands Briefcase Number Two to Burke, and places Briefcase Number Three in the downed Jayzero's arms. René Duprée snatches Briefcase Number Four from under the noses of John Cena & Randy Orton, as our match comes to a close.

AJ hosts the post match Briefcase Opening Ceremony. René Duprée has a future BP European Championship match in his briefcase. Burke has a future BP World Championship match in his briefcase. The tension builds as THE Tarrynator, and Mick Foley (who is representing the unconscious Jayzero) prepare to open the final two briefcases. They open them at the same time, revealing that THE Tarrynator has a future BP Tag Team Championship match in his briefcase, and Jayzero has a pink slip in his. Mick Foley announces Jayzero vs. Brock Lesnar tonight as Jayzero's farewell to Beautiful Persons.

Backstage, Dolph Ziggler approaches Kelly Kelly. He asks her out on a date, but she shoots him down saying, "I've just come out of a really complicated relationship, I'm not really ready for anything right now. But we can be friends if you like?" Dolph is obviously hurt, but he accepts Kelly's offer of friendship. Taryn Terrell walks over and pulls Kelly away from a rather awkward situation. Dolph gets a text as they leave, he reads it aloud with a hint of confusion in his voice, "You need help, mate. Rockstar sized help... Cya next week."

The Party Boyz, Jason & Zack Ryder, attempted to get back on track after their recent losses, with a win over Mexican America, but that wasn't to be. Hernandez pinned Zack Ryder after interference from Ricardo Rodriguez. Jason helped his partner to the back after the match.

Alberto Del Rio beat World's Funkiest Man for the BP United States Championship after a back-and-forth match. After the match, Brie & Nikki Bella beat down The Funkettes. Del Rio then declared that "La Ascensión begins here!"

The Beautiful People successfully defended the new BP Women's Tag Team Championships against the makeshift team of Tiffany & the BP Women's Champion Jessica. Jessica & Tiffany looked to have the match won, until Tiffany tagged herself in and was hit with the Botox Injection. Jessica shook her head in disappointment, and walked to the back after the match.

After successfully retaining the BP Tag Team Championships at Barebacklash, Air Boom looked to continue their winning streak. The Rock & Brock Lesnar had other ideas however, as The Rock pinned Evan Bourne after hitting the People's Elbow to give 'The Rock n Brock Connection' the win. BP European Champion, THE Tarrynator walks out onto the stage with his briefcase in hand after the match, before turning around and walking backstage.

Former BP World Champion, Tiarnán arrived to the ring for his match with Goldberg. Tiarnán continued muttering, "This isn't fair," all the way to the ring. I've been informed that he hasn't stopped repeating the words since he started. Goldberg stormed his way to the ring, and mocked Tiarnán's earlier misfortune. Tiarnán screamed, "This isn't fair!" before charging towards Goldberg. He grounded the former WCW World Heavyweight Champion, before the referee called for a clean break. Tiarnán backed up from Goldberg. Tiarnán approaches Goldberg to check on him, but he's met with a thrust kick to the face. Tiarnán screams in pain as he clutches at his face. Goldberg continues to stomp on Tiarnán's face as the referee calls for a disqualification. Goldberg leaves the ring as the medical team enter the ring. BP World Champion, Brandon runs down the ring to check on his injured foe. The fourth wall just came crashing down ladies and gentlemen.

Burke approaches Drew McIntyre in the backstage area. "You know, if it wasn't for you, I would be married to Kelly Kelly right now." Drew stands up and gets in the face of Burke. Burke continues, "You did me a favour. If I had married that bitch, I would be wasting my time protecting her everyweek, instead of trying to win the BP World Championship. I would still be playing the good guy for all the little kiddies of the world. And worst of all, I would still be in John Cena's shadow. So, thank you, Drew. Thanks a lot." Drew McIntyre grins, "You're welcome... friend." The two Scotsmen shake hands, and then walk away plotting something.

Jayzero walks to the ring for his farewell match. Brock Lesnar, who has already performed tonight, arrives with a smug look on his face. The bell rings, and the BP Tag Team Champion leaves the ring to give Jayzero the countout victory.

After the match, Brock Lesnar, The Rock, Goldberg, David Otunga, Roddy Piper, and Drew McIntyre run into the ring, and beat down Jayzero. Sable makes a dramatic return as Jayzero lies motionless in the middle of the ring. "Let me introduce you all to the new Beautiful Persons Executive Shareholder, Paul Heyman!" Heyman walked onto the stage, and said just three words, "This is PROGRESS!" before walking to the back with his new entourage. Sable then delivers the news to Jayzero, "Jay... you're fired!"

Join us again next week, for another colossal episode of No Fatties Allowed!

[Burke]

I can’t believe Kelly used the friend line on Dolph like that. Who does she think she is, Eve? I think Drew was right. I got out just at the right time there.

I can’t wait to see where all this B/T/PROGRESS/Jayzero stuff goes.

And I love the feast or fired idea. Brandon better sleep with one eye open. I'm Freddy Krueger. He's the helpless victim worried about when I'm gonna come get him. I could cash in my World title shot anytime I please. *Evil laugh*

[Tiarnán]

When did Mick Foley become such an utter cunt? I make the perfect champion.

[Brandon]

The Feast or Fired match reminded me of the Knockout's Lockbox Challenge, which I was always a fan of despite complaints. And I'm excited for your take on The Ascension and where all this PROGRESS stuff goes. I hope Burke and D-Mac become a full time tag team. And it pleases me how all of the women's tag teams are still being used effectively.

Feb 29, 2012 14:20:12 GMT -5 Tarry said:

Mick Foley announces that a higher power has demanded that the result of Brandon & Tiarnán's match this past Sunday at Barebacklash, MUST be overturned.

Sorry, T.

[Tarry]

Feb 29, 2012 16:43:08 GMT -5 Brandon said:

And I'm excited for your take on The Ascension and where all this PROGRESS stuff goes.

Those are the two storylines that I've planned for the longest amount of time, so I'm hoping they come out alright. There's a lot of twists & turns on the way, I promise.

Feb 29, 2012 16:43:08 GMT -5 Brandon said:

I hope Burke and D-Mac become a full time tag team. And it pleases me how all of the women's tag teams are still being used effectively.

Burke & McIntyre are set to be a full time tag team. I think our tag division has really been revived now. We have The Rock n Brock Connection, The Party Boyz, Air Boom, European Invasion, Burke & McIntyre, and THE Tarrynator & his mystery partner. I also have two more tag teams making their debuts next week, so it should become an interesting division, hopefully.

I'm not the best writer for the Women's Division, but I currently have four matches featuring the divas pencilled in for my PPV. I hope I can do them all justice.

[Burke]

No Fatties Allowed Episode 53!

[Tarry]

No Fatties Allowed Episode 53!

The show opens with Taryn Terrell entering the ring . She explains that her match with ODB has been postponed due to ODB no-showing. The debuting Rockstar Spud then makes his way to the ring and announces that his opponent has no-showed too. He offers Taryn a "private match" back at his place, but she declines. She says, "I was told there would be two vaginas in this ring tonight, well I guess that's still true." Taryn starts a "Mangina" chant, as Spud asks the referee to cup his privates to prove that he doesn't have a vagina, but instead a penis. The referee declines to do so, which angers Spud. Taryn challenges him to a match right now. The referee calls for the bell, and the match is official. Spud offers Taryn a way out, all she has to do is kiss Spud on the cheek. Taryn contemplates the offer, and approaches Spud. She puckers up, and moves towards Spud's cheek, but instead of kissing him, she slaps him. Spud charges Taryn, but she counters with a drop toe-hold. Spud smashes his face on the canvas, and rolls to the outside. Taryn jumps from the ring apron onto Spud's back. Spud manages to get back into the ring. Taryn follows, and is met with a kick to the gut. Spud grabs her by the hair, and licks her cheek, before hitting her with the Rockstar Stunner. He then covered Taryn, with what can only be described as a 'sex pin'. Spud then leaves the ring, as Kelly Kelly runs down the ramp to check on her friend.

Tiarnán walks down to the ring wearing a cloak, with a hood that covers his face. "Last week, I had the worse night of my life. First, Mick Foley STOLE my championship! Then, Goldberg destroyed my face!" Tiarnán paces around the ring trying to avoid the camera. "Your vicious attack became the catalyst for my transformation, Goldberg. You have awoken a side of me that I never knew existed," Tiarnán peels back his hood to reveal a white mask that covers the right side of his face, "The Phantom of the Ring is calling you out, Goldberg. Now get out here, so he can have vengeance, and so he can have salvation!" Tiarnán waits for Goldberg to arrive to the ring, but there's no sign of him. Tiarnán puts his hood back up, and leaves the ring to go in search of Goldberg.

Dolph Ziggler is backstage working out, when Rockstar Spud approaches him. "You know, with my help, you could be something really special. Kelly Kelly wouldn't have friend zoned you, and you could be helping her forget all about Burke... if you know what I mean." Ziggler looks at Spud, "So you sent that text? You know, I thought 'Rockstar sized help' would be... taller." Spud stands on his tiptoes, "What do you mean? We're the same height!" "If you say so, pal. Either way, I don't need your help. "Oh you do, you really do. How about you give my Rockstar lifestyle tips a go, before you brush me off." "Fine. What's your plan?" The sound drops from the segment as Spud acts out some rather vulgar looking gestures. We here at BeautifulPersons.com, do NOT want to know what he was saying.

The team of Tiffany, the BP Women's Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky & Angelina Love, and The Bella Twins picked up a win over BP Women's Champion Jessica, Mickie James, Kharma, and The Funkettes this week, when Velvet Sky pinned Cameron Lynn. Mick Foley walks onto the stage at the end of the match, and announces that the number one contenders to the BP Women's Championship, and the BP Women's Tag Team Championships will be determined next week.

World's Funkiest Man made his way to ringside to help The Funkettes to the back, but the new BP United States Champion Alberto Del Rio, had other plans. Ricardo Rodriguez hands Del Rio a microphone, "You people are so wrapped up in your party lifestyles, that you don't think of the consequences. The Funkettes were out here dancing around, instead of wrestling properly, and that's why they're down on the canvas. Tonight, La Ascensión will beat the sins out of your flesh!" A referee helps Cameron & Naomi out of the ring, as a second referee enters the ring. Sin Cara jumps World's Funkiest Man from behind, and Del Rio slides into the ring. The referee calls for the bell, and it looks like we have an impromptu handicap match. La Ascensión picked up the win after a couple of well-timed enziguris, and dual armbars, which forced World's Funkiest Man to submit.

René Duprée picked up a win over Daniel Bryan this week, when Magnus hit Bryan with a chair whilst the referee was distracted by a fan invasion. Duprée & Magnus posed with René's Feast or Fired briefcase after the match. I wonder when/where René Duprée will take advantage of his future BP European Championship match?

The Party Boyz made their way to the ring for a match against Mexican America, but the match was thrown out when Hernandez & Anarquia decided to attack Jason & Zack Ryder before the match began. Mexican America prepared to put away The Party Boyz with a biker chain, but none other than The Boogie Knights, Alex Wright & Disco Inferno made the save. Mexican America left the ring, and headed the back with a look of confusion on their faces. The disco dancing duo helped The Party Boyz to their feet as our cameras cut to the back.

Sable is shown running backstage whilst looking over her shoulder ever couple of seconds. She runs into her office, and barricades the door. She turns around, and walks towards her desk. "I've been expecting you," a voice says as Sable's revolving chair swings round to reveal that the voice belongs to the fired, Jayzero. "We need to talk!" Jayzero then hops the desk and approaches Sable. She screams as our camera feed cuts out.

Paul Heyman leads PROGRESS to the ring. He talks about how the BP World Championship will soon be the property of PROGRESS. The BP World Champion Brandon walked to the ring to voice his disagreement with Heyman's declaration. "Let's be honest, none of you will be taking this belt away from me. I'm far better than you all. And none of you are as good looking as me." David Otunga takes the microphone from Heyman, but before he can speak, Brandon chimes in again, "Especially you!" Otunga steps back, and Heyman takes the microphone from him, "You're going to wish you never crossed PROGRESS!" The BP Tag Team Champions, Brock Lesnar & The Rock launch an attack on the BP World Champion. The BP European Champion THE Tarrynator runs down the ramp, and saves his former tag team partner from a vicious beatdown. He floors Lesnar with his Feast or Fired briefcase, and then lays out The Rock with Tarrydise. I guess THE Tarrynator has chosen a side, and it's definitely not PROGRESS.

Burke walks to the ring carrying his Feast or Fired briefcase. He grabs a microphone from ringside, "Brandon, I wouldn't get so cocky if I were you. I mean, you wouldn't even be the World Champion if it wasn't for Paul Heyman demanding that Mick Foley overturns the decision of your match with Tiarnán." Brandon rolls his eyes at Burke's claim. Burke continues, "I want you to be the first to know, that I'm the featured attraction of PROGRESS. I make more money than everyone else in this company combined, can you imagine how much power this team would have with me as the face of the group? We would be invincible. Now I'm sure it's obvious to everyone else already, but I'm going to explain it to you anyway. I'm going to cash in my Feast or Fired briefcase against you at the upcoming pay-per-view event, The Beginning of the End. Which is weird, because it's really going to be the beginning of the end of your career." Tarry steps in, "Burke, as you know, I've never liked you. And your constant whining is really getting on my nerves, so why don't you & Drew McIntyre square off with Brandon & I, as International Relations reunite for one night only!" A referee enters the ring, and our main event is on!

Burke & Drew McIntyre pick up the win over International Relations, when Brock Lesnar ran into the ring and laid out THE Tarrynator with the F5 whilst the referee's back was turned, which allowed Burke to pin Tarry. After the match, Burke lays out Brandon with the FU. He then lifts the BP World Championship above his head, as the show goes off the air.