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Post by Brandon on Oct 11, 2012 23:26:56 GMT -5
You guise. He just texted me and asked, "Know any cute girls looking for fun? Lol" He leaves to visit his girlfriend in Florida tomorrow night.   |
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Post by Mutant Couch on Oct 11, 2012 23:51:40 GMT -5
Wow. He's every Craigslist ad ever.
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Post by Brandon on Oct 13, 2012 13:51:30 GMT -5
So, the place my friend and I ate at yesterday was heavenly, and I was craving it all day, so I went by when I got off work. And the guy she tried to set me up with works there. He smiled and waved when he saw me in line, so I smiled back to be nice. But then he tried to make small talk. Him: Didn't you guys just eat here yesterday? Me: Yeah. Him: You just had a craving for it again? Me: Pretty much. Him: ( Apologetically) I was just about to go on break... Me: Have fun. Him: I get off at five. Me: That's not so bad. Him: Yeah. Well, you should stop by and hang out with us again sometime. Me: Definitely.  I'm pretty sure he thinks I was secretly checkin' for him, when in reality I just went to gets my queso on.  |
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Post by Tiffany on Nov 6, 2012 20:23:58 GMT -5
A conversation between a classmate and myself: Her: *hums What Makes You Beautiful* Have you heard of them? Me: One Direction? Yeah! Her: Are they emo? Me: Um... I wouldn't classify them as emo. More like, preppy pop? Her: Yeah, I don't like them.  |
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Post by Astrozombie on Nov 12, 2012 4:25:19 GMT -5
I can't find that dictionary thread, but let me start off by saying that I find myself saying things that I see on here. 'Throwing shade' or any variation of 'shade' and 'going ham' are things I've developed a habit of saying, people don't generally get it at first, but it eventually clicks. Anyways this happened like Friday or Thursday night: In the car with my friend. *cover of 'This Kiss' comes on my iPod* Me: Oh shit, this be my jam! Friend: Seriously? Is it me or does your taste in music seem to deteriorate as you get older? Me: Don't lie, you know you wanna pussy pop to this. Friend:  Me: Gonna change the song now... Basically how I felt in a nutshell:  |
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Post by jayzero42690 on Nov 12, 2012 5:41:42 GMT -5
I got a similar reaction when I said ratchet in a Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles Not to get all racial with it but half the humor is that I was the only white dude at the table: (group notices picture of Obama eating Roscoe's on the wall) Friend #1: I wonder if this is the Roscoe's he's eating at in the picture. Friend #2: No, he ate at the one in Long Beach. That's the good one. Me: Yeah, you brought us to the ratchet Roscoe's. Friend #3: Did you just use the word ratchet.... in a sentence...?  Me: ...  I've since stopped using MalFizzleisms |
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Post by Mutant Couch on Nov 13, 2012 18:10:37 GMT -5
Had a spa day today. It was not great.
Lady working there: We have 50% off vajazzling when you get a wax.
Me: No thanks.
Lady: Your boyfriend will LOVE it. Trust me.
Me: No, really. No.
Lady: Are you sure? You should try it once.
Friend: How long will it take?
Me: No means no.
Seriously, her desire to attach rhinestones to my lady parts was disturbing. Not to mention my friend is a bitch so I'll for sure be getting an at home kit for Christmas.
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Post by Brandon on Nov 30, 2012 21:33:08 GMT -5
( Making plans to go to the mall tomorrow with that lesbian I was telling y'all about) Her: "We could get gay accessories from Spencer's in the mall!" Me:  |
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Post by Brandon on Dec 2, 2012 17:27:03 GMT -5
Coworker: "Can I hold some money until Monday?"
Me: "You better get your life."
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Post by Brandon on Dec 8, 2012 7:40:13 GMT -5
Y'all remember my friend's neighbor that she tried to hook me up with? Well he tried it! I was making the rounds on Facebook last night when he IM'd me and told me that he was eating kimchi. At first I thought he was being hella racist, then he explained to me that it was a Korean dish. Me: Sounds good. Him: They sell it at _____________. You'll have to try it sometime. Me: Def. Him: We should go there sometime. Well, I eat there all the time. But you should come with me sometime. Me: Lol, that'd be cool. Me, you and (our mutual friend) should go.Him: Indeed we should. But I'll stop keeping you awake now. Friendzoned! And that's how you gag someone.  |
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Post by Mutant Couch on Dec 14, 2012 23:30:04 GMT -5
I noticed my uncle wearing a ring.
Me: So, what does your ring say?
*He holds it up to me*
Me: #1 Dad. Oh cool, you've been in touch with your kids?
Him: No.
Me: Okay. Then who bought it for you.
Him: Me. Why?
Am I wrong in finding it hilarious and not okay to buy yourself #1 parenting items?
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Post by Brandon on Feb 15, 2013 1:22:29 GMT -5
Guy who IM's me within five seconds every time I log onto Facebook: "I kind of think you have some sort of crush on me."
Me: "As. If."
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Post by Burke on Mar 3, 2013 7:10:39 GMT -5
I ran into my ex girlfriend this morning.
Her: "You look good. How are you doing?"
Me: "You too. Oh, fine. How about you?"
Her: *Goes into a 5 minute spiel about how she recently broke up with her girlfriend while I awkwardly nod my head in agreement every 30 seconds*
I can't help but speculate, based on her timeline of events, that I somehow helped drive her to lesbianism.
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Post by Astrozombie on Mar 3, 2013 23:47:46 GMT -5
I ran into my ex girlfriend this morning. Her: "You look good. How are you doing?" Me: "You too. Oh, fine. How about you?" Her: *Goes into a 5 minute spiel about how she recently broke up with her girlfriend while I awkwardly nod my head in agreement every 30 seconds* I can't help but speculate, based on her timeline of events, that I somehow helped drive her to lesbianism. This song immediately came to mind: |
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Post by Brandon on May 20, 2013 14:25:43 GMT -5
Guy I'm not interested in: "So what kind of guys are you into?" Me: "I like older guys. Sugar daddies." Guy I'm not interested in: "That makes you a gold digger." Me: "That's okay." Guy I'm not interested in: "Not a good thing." Me: "Sorry bout it."  |
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