NO FATTIES ALLOWED - EPISODE 113
With Softcore Country in the books, NFA kicks off with former BP World Champion
John Cena cashing in his rematch clause against Dolph Ziggler at our next PPV event, You Only Live Once.
Dolph Ziggler interrupts on the titantron, telling Cena that he's killing his buzz. Tonight isn't about Cena, it's about him, the new BP World Champion, and his live sex celebration! Behind Dolph,
Tiffany's silhouette can be seen behind a partition changing screen, trying on and tossing various articles of clothing over the top. Dolph says at You Only Live Once, he'll take care of Cena, but tonight, he's gonna take care of Tiffany.. more than once. Yolo.
In our first match of the night,
THE Tarrynator was accompanied by his "special friend"
Paige to take on
Ethan Carter III. Paige and
Lana get catty on the outside but Tarry makes short work of EC3 with a Tarrydise for the win. Paige gives Tarry a celebratory kiss before he gets on the mic, asking the Wyatt Family to leave them alone from now on. He won fair and square. Tarry is interrupted by the
British Cronies; Rockstar Spud, Wade Barrett and Magnus. They congratulate Tarry on his win and say it's great to have the group back together again. Tarry cuts Spud off and asks where they were when he needed them on Sunday. The only one that stuck by his side was Paige. He realized he no longer needs a faction to do his dirty work for him, so they're done. The Cronies don't take the rejection well and attack Tarry while he's leaving the ring. Paige tries to intervene but gets tossed from the ring for her troubles. The Cronies all hit Tarry with their finishers ending with a 5 Stone Spud Splash leaving their former leader laid out.
As JR and King are welcoming us back from a break, the feed glitches and
The Wyatt Family appears on screen. Bray speaks in his normal riddles but tells THE Tarrynator to ease his mind, as he's a man of his word. Paige is free, and they'll just have to find another vessel to take her place.
Elsewhere backstage, we see
The Funkadactyls and
The Bella Twins getting ready for their 8-Bombshell tag match. Instead of talking strategy, The Funkadactyls have more important things to discuss, like their run in on Lei'D Tapa at Softcore Country, or their new photo shoot on BeautifulPersons.com, and even their upcoming appearance on Conan next week to promote the BP Network's newest reality series: Total Bombshells. "Yeah, I couldn't believe it the first six times you told us." Nikki says, rolling her eyes. The Funkadactyls realize they're doing a bit much and put their rising star aside to rile the Bellas up for their match. After a group hug The Funkadactyls lead the way to gorilla, but the Bellas share an annoyed look as soon as they turn around. Cameron starts the match for her team, which pits the Total Bombshells against
Foxsana,
AJ Lee and
Tamina. The heels work Cameron over until she makes the hot tag to Naomi, who clears the ring in a flurry of flashy offense, until Tamina lands a Superkick while the official is busy with AJ. Naomi crawls to her corner to tag the outstretched arm of Brie Bella, but Brie jumps down at the last second. Nikki stands on the bottom rope to offer her hand instead, but when Naomi tries to tag her in she pulls back also. The Bellas back up the ramp together, throwing L's over their foreheads and trash talking The Funkadactyls, allowing AJ to blindside Naomi with the Shining Wizard for the 1-2-3.
While the Funkadactyls scowl at the Bellas, we're taken to the back where
Tiarnán is admiring his shiny new tag team title belt.
Sami Zayn arrives and Tiarnán gleams saying how amazing it is to be tag team champions together. Sami calms Tiarnán down and says he has someone he wants him to meet. She just debuted last week, and she's his biggest fan.
Bayley walks in with a bashful smile stretching from ear to ear. She fangirls over Tiarnán who is a bit put off and overwhelmed by her behavior. She says he's her idol and she wants to be just like him, and now that she's a part of the NFA roster, she can't wait for them to be best friends. Bayley clutches Tiarnán in a bear hug as he smiles nervously at Sami.
Former #1 Contender
CM Punk makes his way to the ring, saying he knows he was pinned on Sunday at Softcore Country, but anybody who thinks that's going to stop him from once again becomming BP World Champion they're sadly mistaken. If it wasn't for that hooker Dolph calls a manager he'd be champion right now, and Ziggler and Cena fighting for the belt again is an injustice to the title and to the BP Universe. With that magic word, Punk is interrupted. "Sierra. Hotel. India. Echo. Lima. Delta."
The Shield makes their way through the crowd and surround the ring. Punk drops his mic getting ready for a fight, but the 3-on-1 attack proves too much for the Straight Edge Superstar, and after a lengthy beatdown, The Shield finishes him off with a triple powerbomb through the announce table.
Once the cleanup crew is finished,
Gail Kim and
Lei'D Tapa are out to settle their fallout from Softcore Country. While the former allies beat the hell out of one another, we see a shot of the Women's Champion,
Emma, enjoying the match on a monitor in the back with a bag of popcorn. Gail uses her speed to combat Lei'D's power, but Tapa gets the win when she catches a Thesz press attempt by Gail and counters it into a slam. After the match, Tapa parades around 'her' ring and demands the NFA Universe to bow down.
Back in catering,
Darren Young is chatting with NFA rookie bombshell
JoJo, when
Jessica and
Fandango approach the table. Darren and JoJo both glance at Fandango, catching Jessica's eye. "Excuse you. You need to keep your eyes off my man!" Jessica snaps. JoJo rolls her eyes at the thought. "Not you... you!" Jessica clarifies looking straight at Darren. Darren laughs at the accusation but Jessica says everyone watches TMZ, he's not fooling anyone. Fandango chimes in that it's okay, he doesn't blame Darren for checking out "all of this," bringing attention to his torso. Darren said the only thing he's checking out is Fandango's belt, asking how he'd like it if Darren took it off of him. Fandango responds by saying as much as he knows Darren would love to
take his belt off "Fandango doesn't tango on that side of the dance floor." Fandango spins Jessica and the duo dances out of frame, with Jessica whipping her hair in JoJo's face as she twirls by.
It was time for our main event, as
BurkeZero make their way to the ring accompanied by
Eva Marie to take on
Tiarnán and
Sami Zayn in their rematch for the BP Tag Team Championships. Before the match, Eva takes a mic and says that not only are her men going to once again prove they're the best tag team in all of wrestling history, but next week, the BP Universe will get to see them in all their glory in Playgirl Magazine. And they had a very special treat for the audience tonight. Fireworks popped as a jumbo size Playgirl cover draped down from the rafters showing Burke and Jayzero in a very suggestive, questionable pose. Tiarnán and Sami turn away trying not to judge as the audience unanimously shake their heads, while Burke and Jay pose with Eva in front of their cover.
After a back and forth match,
Bayley decides to watch her idol in action a bit closer, and makes her way to ringside. Tiarnán asks her why she's out there but she just smiles and looks on in admiration. When Eva Marie tries to cheat by grabbing hold of Sami's leg, Bayley takes offense and runs around the ring, tackling Eva. Burke tries to break up the fight, distracting Jay, who turns around into a Helluva Kick from Sami Zayn to retain. Bayley jumps for joy and celebrates with her favorite tag team. Burke tries to help Eva to her feet but she shoves him away. Eva says she's done. When she started managing BurkeZero, she thought they'd be winners. She gave her time to them, she gave her money to them, hell she gave
everything to them. (King: "Everything, JR?" - JR: "Whelp") But it turns out they're nothing but losers. She doesn't know how they even won the titles in the first place. Eva tells Burke and Jayzero that they're both fired and storms off, with BurkeZero in hot pursuit.
We cut to the back one last time where
Brandon is leaning against a wall maintaining his cuticles. He's approched by
Damien Sandow, who asks Brandon if he could step aside, as he is blocking the miniature reservoir and he is parched. Brandon looks at him in confused silence. Sandow tries to explain what he means, "..the liquid mainspring? ...the refreshment geyser?" Sandow looks up and sighs, ".. the water fountain." "Oop" Brandon responds as he steps to the side and continues with his cuticles. Sandow begins to drink, but not before letting out "Oh the simple minded. I weep for thee." "Excuse you?" Brandon asks. Sandow says he meant no offense. It was foolish of him to think Brandon would have progressive understanding of the English language. "Bitch I got straight A's in English" Brandon retorts. Sandow chuckles, presuming Brandon probably attended public school, and most likely didn't even attend university. Brandon says he bets he knows more than Sandow. Damien laughs saying he finds that to be extremely unlikely, but gives Brandon a chance to prove it. He challenges Brandon to a live in-ring debate next week on NFA. Brandon accepts the challege, and Sandow says it should be quite humorous, "or, as you would say.. a crack up."
After a short commercial break, it was time. A California king sized bed is set up in the ring, with satin sheets. The new BP World Champion
Dolph Ziggler makes his way to the ring,
Tiffany on his arm (wearing a lingerie corset and knee high boots), and the championship belt around his waste. Dolph says after he won the title on Sunday, they went back to the hotel and did nothing. They wanted to save it all for tonight, to have live sex in front of millions watching around the world. Tonight, they get NFA taken off the air, again. Sexy jazz music begins to play as Tiffany starts to unbutton Dolph's shirt. She takes of his title belt and tosses it onto the bed, before turning around so Dolph can untie her corset and slip it off of her. Tiffany bends forward in front of Dolph to unzip her boots, kicking them off, as Dolph follows suit, removing his shoes. Tiffany turns around and unbuckles Dolph's belt, pulling it through before walking around the bed, spanking Dolph as she walks by. Tiffany crawls onto the bed and Dolph smiles into the camera, dropping his pants, leaving himself in nothing but his tiny black undertrunks. Dolph presses his hips into Tiffany's backside and unclips her bra. He yanks it off just as she reaches up to cover herself while half the crowd boos. Tiffany crawls under the covers while Dolph pops off his socks and joins her. With only Tiffany's head exposed, the lump in the sheets representing Dolph goes lower and lower and
lower (causing the screen to go black to cover our 2nd nip slip, 2 weeks in a row) until he springs back up, out of the covers, with Tiffany's panties in his teeth. Dolph flips onto his back, grabbing his title belt, and Tiffany begins the descent herself. Just as Tiffany is about to reach no man's land,
John Cena's music hits. The former champ makes his way to the ring while Dolph and Tiffany retreat under the covers, scrambling as Cena watches from the outside. After Cena's music stops, Dolph lifts his head and looks around in fear, blanket still over his head, until he's sucked through the covers like The Grudge as Cena grabs him by the ankle and yanks him out of the bed. Tiffany watches, wrapped in a blanket, as Cena beats the holy hell out of Dolph in nothing but his skivvies, capping it off with a much needed Attitude Adjustment. Cena turns his attention to Tiffany who hides under the covers. Cena looks to the crowd for approval as he yanks the blanket away, only for Tiffany to once again be wearing her panties and Dolph's shirt. Dolph rolls out of the ring and recovers on the ramp as Cena extends his hand to Tiffany. Tiffany hesitates but gives him her hand in curiosity. Cena kisses her hand, making her blush, before yanking her out of the bed and onto his shoulders. Cena looks towards Dolph who pleads with Cena to put her down, but is met with a "you can't see me" as Cena AA's Tiffany back onto the bed. Tiffany bounces off the bed and onto the ring, rolling to the outside to meet with Dolph. Her ego more bruised than her body. Ziggler and Tiffany curse Cena from the ramp, half naked, while Cena celebrates with the World Title they left in the ring as No Fatties Allowed comes to an end.
