Hardcore XXXmas!
Welcome to the most festive wrestling show of the year, Hardcore XXXmas! Christmas trees with presents underneath surrounded the ring, wreaths hung from every post, garland was draped from the ring apron, and lights were strung along the ropes. Everyone was feeling the Christmas spirit tonight, including
Tiarnán, who
Sable granted a temporary leave from the asylum for the occasion
so long as he was sedated. Sable even had Tiarnán's leg wrapped up and dressed him as Tiny Tim to compliment his wheelchair. While security rolled Tiarnán to ringside, our tag team participants made their way to the ring and our show began.
Magnus and
Paul London started things off, and despite London's speed, the strength of Magnus proved to be too much for the high flyer.
Anarquia was in next, and
Alex Shelley blind tagged himself into the match to grapple with the Mexican America member. Shelley was able to put Anarquia away and tagged out to
Chris Sabin as
René Duprée entered the fray. Sabin put up a valiant effort, but again, the brute force of European Invasion was tmth and the champions walked away with their titles still in tow.
Next up,
Jason (
sporting festive reindeer ears) was able to exact revenge upon
Johnny Curtis and
Maxine (
who was channeling her inner Ice Queen) after their vicious assault on him last Wednesday. Jason was more than holding his own against Johnny Curtis when Maxine slipped into the ring to attack him from behind, but Jason spun around and caught her in the act. While Maxine tried to explain herself, Johnny Curtis attempted to roll Jason up, but Jason kicked Curtis off of him and into Maxine. With Dirty Curty trying to explain the mishap to Maxine, Jason clipped him with the Sunset Kick for the win while Maxine irately looked on.
The United States Championship was on the line as
Randy Orton took on
Brandon (
dressed in candy cane-striped trunks). The two men used the decorations and made the most of their hardcore stipulation. Randy threw Brandon into a Christmas tree, choked him with Christmas lights, and slammed a gift box over his head, causing the blonde to stumble around the ring and blindly feel about for Orton. Brandon managed to fight back and Booty Call Orton into the turnbuckle, then held a wreath over his backside and delivered the Asstastic through the hole. With his opponent discombobulated, Brandon drug Orton out of the corner and pinned him to become only the second United States Champion in BP history. (
Kind of like how Maryse was only the second Divas Champion.
)
Dressed as a
gingerbread woman,
Jessica marched down the ramp with
Stacy Keibler, Lita, Trish Stratus and
Torrie Wilson by her side.
Tiffany (
also opting for a less traditional attire) then lead her team of
Maryse,
Lacey Von Erich, and
Angelina Love and Velvet Sky to the ring. Just when it appeared like Jessica would force Tiffany to tap with the Couch Recliner, Maryse inserted herself and struck with the French Kiss. Y'all know what happened next. Lita DDT by Lita, In Yo' Face! by Velvet, Nose Job by Torrie, Clawslam by Lacey, spinning heel kick by Stacy, Break A Bitch by Angelina, Chick Kick by Trish, Bitch Slap by Tiffany, and finally, Super Sofaplex by Jessica. With no one left to interrupt the count, Jessica covered Tiffany for the win, bringing her one step closer to the Women's Championship. Tiffany and Maryse sobbed up the ramp while the Beautiful People stayed behind to trash talk the babyfaces celebrating in the ring.
European Champion
Tarry put his title on the line in a match that Roddy Piper deemed as a Melting Pot Battle Royal, where men and women of all different backgrounds competed for the coveted championship. In our Christmas themed event, poor Tarry had gotten stuck with the
Christmas Story bunny costume, and he looked almost as unhappy as Ralphie to be wearing it. Tarry effortlessly took out some of the weaker competition in the early going, including
Hunico,
Melina and
Justin Gabriel. As the participants grew scarce, our champion struck up an alliance with
La Résistance until there was only the three of them and
Edge left. As the three men worked on throwing Edge over the top rope, Tarry gave Robért Conway a gentle lift and tossed him out as well. Sylvan was shocked, but as he charged at Tarry on his partner's behalf, Tarry cooly monkey flipped Grenier over the top rope to the floor to retain his title.
Up next,
Burke defended Kelly Kelly's honor as he stepped into a steel cage with
World's Strongest Man. Burke tried to make a quick escape early on in the match, but WSM grabbed him by his jorts as he was scaling the cage wall and pulled him down, revealing that even Burke got in on the themed action with a pair of
Christmas boxers! WSM continued to man handle Burke until
Kelly Kelly made her way to ringside and willed
our her hero to his feet. Burke fought back like he just obtained and extra life in a video game and managed to hoist WSM onto his shoulders. In the OMG moment of the night, Burke FU'd WSM with such force that the cage door popped open and Burke was able to escape where Kelly Kelly was waiting for him with open arms.
In an effort to wind our audience down in between main events,
Joy Giovanni and
Kristal Marshall entertained our audience in an eggnog bra & panties match. It was all in good fun until Kristal took exception to Joy spanking her and tried to drown poor Joy in the eggnog. The two Divas rolled around in the foreign substance until Joy claimed Kristal's teddy and won the I laughingly use the phrase match.
In our main event of this spirited evening,
The Miz (
dressed in red and white) challenged
Jayzero (
who was looking as pure as baby Jesus in an all white variation of his attire) for the World Heavyweight Championship in a Falls Count Anywhere match. The two men brawled all over the arena, including the women's locker room, where
Tiffany low blowed Jayzero, causing
Jessica to get involved and the two teams from earlier initiating round two of their Santa's Little Helper match. Once the two men found their way back to the ring, Jayzero lifted Miz onto his shoulders in an attempt to hit the Zero Hour, but The Miz managed to wriggle free and land behind Jayzero, where he followed up with the Skull Crushing Finale, ending Jayzero's multiple month title reign and claiming the World Heavyweight Championship for himself. Our show wrapped as Santa (
Roddy Piper in a beard and suit) came out and awarded The Miz his championship from his bag of goodies.
. Jason won after nailing Gabriel with the Skull Snap, but Maxine and Johnny Curtis crashed his victory party, stomping the California native to a pulp. As Jason curled into the fetal position, Maxine took to the mic to rhetorically ask him if she had his attention now.
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