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Post by Brandon on Mar 10, 2012 16:04:39 GMT -5
I suppose not. It is probably good to see as much penis as possible so you know when you've got a quality one on hand. *in hand. |
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Post by Brandon on Mar 27, 2012 16:28:42 GMT -5
Guy I'm always posting about: "Would you like to hang out?"
Me: "I'm not sure if I'll have time tonight (A lie.) Wanna see a movie this weekend though? And actually watch it."
Guy I'm always posting about: "I always watch the movie, except for that one time I didn't."
Me: "I just wanna be clear."
Guy I'm always posting about: "And you know you liked it when it happened."
Me: "Oh darn, I forgot. I have plans this weekend."
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Post by Tiarnán on Mar 31, 2012 8:28:18 GMT -5
Oh, I forgot about this until I was talking about it with some music students last night. There was this singing teacher in my old school (who I admittedly thought was really cute), and he has quite a camp walk and wears bright coloured clothes which kind of sets him apart from the other staff members. He was quite young too so a lot of people wouldn't assume he was an actual teacher.
Well, I had been hanging around with ze gays in my year at lunchtime for a few weeks back then, and none of them would have done music, so they wouldn't have known who he was. So there was this really awkward moment.
- Teacher walks out into the main area where we were standing.
- Gays turn and stare, as they do. I turn away in embarrassment because at this point I thought he was the nicest guy ever.
- Teacher realises they're staring and gets visibly uncomfortable.
- Friend: "Um, who's MR. GAY?!" - REALLY audible.
- Teacher stops in his tracks, freezes for about fifteen seconds and blushes.
- Me: "Um, that's the new singing teacher..."
- Friend: "Oh."
And I had to go to a four person rehearsal the next morning! Ugggh.
I don't know if it was a case of you having to be there or at least having to have seen the guy, so maybe it won't be as funny as I imagine it to be, but it was one of the most hilariously awkward moments ever.
The thing is, I don't even think he's gay, so ha.
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Post by Mutant Couch on Mar 31, 2012 10:55:47 GMT -5
I was debating between this and the blonde moments thread.
Me: Where am I?
Friend: Jess, you called me.
Me: I know, but I'm lost.
Friend: Did you use the navigation app on your phone?
Me: ... nevermind.
It took me an hour of wandering around before I even remembered I had my phone on me.
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Post by Tiarnán on Jun 2, 2012 16:47:03 GMT -5
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Post by Tiarnán on Jun 2, 2012 16:49:17 GMT -5
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Post by Brandon on Jun 4, 2012 1:24:41 GMT -5
I literally just had the most awkward conversation to end all awkward conversations. My best friend from high school added me on Facebook tonight and started IM'ing me. And he was totally my crush back then, but obviously I didn't act on it. Anyway, he asked if I was gay, and when I told him yeah, omg, I opened Pandora's box. I'm honestly too scandalized to post the messages, but he asked me if I "like big dicks", what it feels like to bottom, and if I would have sex with him if he were gay. And that was him being subtle. After that, he started hinting that we get together tonight. "Hmm, I sure wish there was something for us to do." Then he flat out told me he was horny and asked if I was gonna help him with it. After a few moments of awkward silence, he told me he was just playing and had to go.  |
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Post by Tiarnán on Jun 4, 2012 3:23:05 GMT -5
Aww. You should talk to him and see if he's okay.
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Post by Brandon on Jun 4, 2012 3:46:43 GMT -5
I think I'll message him tomorrow, just to let him know that I'm not gonna say anything to anyone. Which I'm not . . . except to you guys.
The whole thing was honestly so weird though. I was speechless, and I'm never speechless. I'm just kind of bummed because I was looking forward to us hanging out like old times, but now I just feel like he's either going to avoid me or only hit me up when he's down low creepin'.
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Post by Tiarnán on Jun 4, 2012 16:19:47 GMT -5
If he's all insecure about himself you could play the Jude role to his Quinn.
"There is nothing wrong with you".
It'll be sweet.
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Post by Brandon on Jun 4, 2012 16:29:51 GMT -5
Yeah, you lost me there.
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Post by Tiarnán on Jun 4, 2012 16:35:10 GMT -5
It's a story I read online. Not porn.
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Post by Brandon on Jun 5, 2012 10:46:11 GMT -5
Grandpa: "What's so interesting on that phone?"
Me: *Closes out of porn.* "Nothing . . ."
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Post by Brandon on Jun 5, 2012 22:24:53 GMT -5
I literally had the longest and most annoying day ever with my family for my cousin's high school graduation today. Man I haven't seen since I was two: "So, what are you doing now?" Me: "I'm just going to school." Man I haven't seen since I was two: "What for?" Me: "Computer programming." Man I haven't seen since I was two: "Isn't that kind of nerdy?" Me: "I guess." Man I haven't seen since I was two: "Is that field even practical?" Me:  |
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Post by Mutant Couch on Jun 9, 2012 22:08:05 GMT -5
You clearly cursed me to be the next to enjoy familial hating. I had a family dinner tonight and someone invited the older crowd. So not cool.
Great-aunt: Why did you not bring your young man along?
Me: I don't have a boyfriend.
Her: I've never seen you with a man. Are you one of those lesbians?
Me: Not yet, Aunt Sheila.
Her: It's fine if you are, dear. We all still love your uncle and he is a queer too.
At that point I was wishing for a cyanide capsule. It went on for a bit, but it was mostly her trying to bring me out of the closet.
Different great-aunt: Should you really be wearing that skirt, Jessica Marie?
Me: Is it see through? I checked in the house and it looked fine.
Her: Well, no, but your legs are really white. Are you sure you want to show them off?
Me: I'll be sure not to draw attention to them in the future. Thank you.
Her: I know you are stuck with that unfortunate hair, but that is no reason not to try to look your best. You need to wear make-up more frequently as well. When you do, you almost look pretty.
That was her being nice, actually. I was surprised she didn't bring up my "freakish hip-to-waist proportion" or tell me again why men think redheads are sluts.
Random elderly male relative: You've filled out well since I last saw you.
Me: Uh, thank you.
Him: You've got your mother's breasts.
I called another cousin over to be inappropriately oogled by him at that point.
Great-great-uncle: Have you been to church recently?
Me: No.
Him: I would hate to see you burn in hell. *He hands me one of his pamphlets that he writes and mails to family monthly*
You're all invited to the next family get together.
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