Post by Burke on Aug 31, 2011 13:34:43 GMT -5
No Fatties Allowed Episode 27!
Hot on the heels of the controversial Bitch! Put The Fork Down comes another wild and unpredictable edition of No Fatties Allowed!
The show opened with our new BP Women’s Champion Tiffany already standing in the middle of the ring holding a microphone and taunting fans at ringside. “If I was as ugly as all of you people I would probably boo me too.” “Jealousy is a disease…an ugly disease by the looks of it.” Once she realised she was live on the air she quickly switched focus to more pressing matters, namely her opponent tonight, Kelly Kelly. She revealed that Kelly had opted to trigger her official rematch clause tonight and her return Women’s title bout would take place later this evening. The Meanest Girls H.B.I.C. intimated that she would make short work of Kelly and “get rid of her once and for all.” “Now, onto more relevant matters.” “As you all know, earlier this week I exclusively revealed to BeautifulPersons.com that I would have a major announcement for you all here tonight.” “Are you all excited to hear it??!” Boos rained down from the sold out crowd in attendance. “I knew you would be!” She directed the fans attention towards the titantron where a video package played (narrated by herself). “Handsome…successful…elegant…selfless…and did we mention handsome?” “These are the qualities of a Champion.” “But not just any Champion, the Beautiful Persons Heavyweight Champion of the World.” An obnoxiously large close-up picture of Beautiful Persons own World Champion Brandon’s grinning face flashed over the screen as fans began chanting “bullshit.” “The world is cordially invited to attend a celebration…a celebration of excellence.” “Ladies and gentlemen, on this night, August 31st, 2011, we bring to you…Brandon Appreciation Night!” Thunderous boos echo throughout the arena as the video finally comes to a close and the camera cuts back to Tiffany in the ring. “Oh my God!” “ If it wouldn’t mess up my make-up I would cry right now!” She said that Brandon’s heroic effort on Sunday in retaining his World title “all on his own” against Jayzero in a ladder match was the crowning achievement of his career and should be celebrated as such. She proceeded to lavish some more praise upon her “bb” Brandon before finally heading to the back grinning from ear to ear with a smile as evil as it was delightful.
Kicking off the in-ring action tonight was a rematch from Sunday with newly crowned European Champion Worldsstrongestman putting his title on the line against the former 2 time Champion looking to make it 3, THE Tarrynator. The arrogant Englishman obviously wasn’t in the mood to compete tonight as he proceeded to kick WSM in the balls seconds after the opening bell rang, getting himself intentionally disqualified. After this underhanded manoeuvre, Tarry casually strolled to the timekeepers position and picked up a steel chair. “Maybe he just wants to take a seat after such a gruelling contest” opined Booker T on commentary. JR could be seen on camera visibly shaking his head in response as Tarry re-entered the ring. As WSM lay on the mat, still recovering, the former European Champion unloaded with close to a dozen vicious chair shots to the back of the new Champion. This cold and calculated attack finally came to a halt when Mark Henry ran (well, it was running by Mark Henry standards) out to make the save for his on-again/off-again tag-team partner. Tarry slid out of the ring as the behemoth approached and calmly walked to the back as Henry checked on his fallen friend.
In honour of Brandon Appreciation Night (or BAN, as all the relevant people are calling it), a video package is played highlighting his World Championship victory from back in July.
The ever excitable and rather annoying AJ interviewed Jayzero backstage and asked for his thoughts regarding his classic World Championship bout with Brandon on Sunday and tonight officially being declared BAN. Noting how he was screwed out of becoming Champion by Brandon‘s BFF Tiffany and the rest of the Meanest Girls’ cronies, Jay said it was a shame that an all-time great match like that had to end in such a cheap fashion. He warned Brandon that he still had a score to settle with him and that when, not if, they step in the ring together again, he‘s leaving with the BP World Championship. “And that, I will be able to appreciate.”
In our second rematch from Sunday, Tiarnán battled the wannabe rockstar, John Morrison. After a fast paced back and forth match, Tiarnán set up for his signature Snap Reverse DDT but HoMo slipped out, rolled him up (with a handful of tights!) and picked up the cheap win. The conflicted Irishman pleaded with the referee afterwards to reverse the decision, to no avail. “This isn’t fair!” he screamed. “Did you see that?…he grabbed my tights!…you had to have seen that?!” he pleaded to the announcers at ringside. Taking a mic and re-entering the ring, Tiarnán says he can’t let this injustice go. He won’t leave the ring until the decision has been officially overturned. Ugh, let’s cut to commercial. We’re back. Oh, he’s still here. Well, this is awkward. “I’m not kidding!” “I’ll stay here all night long if I have to!” “I don‘t deserve to be treated like…” *I HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD* cuts him off as Randy Orton makes his way to the ring. “I’ve had just about enough of our whining” the Viper mumbles before dropping T with an RKO in the middle of the ring much to the crowds delight. Hey, maybe that’ll teach him not to try and take the show hostage again?
Beautiful Persons’ resident odd couple, Goldust and Jessica, are overheard having a heated argument in their locker room. “What the hell is this??” the Golden One screams revealing a picture on a cell phone of Jessica and Edge in a compromising situation that was most definitely Rated R. “Hey, what are you doing with my phone!” his fiancée enquires. “That’s private!” Goldie smashes the phone against the wall, falls to his knees, and begins sobbing uncontrollably. “I thought you were the one!” “How could I be so wrong??!” Jessica says it’s no big deal, it was just one time and it “wasn’t even that great anyway.” Goldust pulls himself to his feet, looks Jessica dead in her eyes and with tears dripping down his face ruining his already cheap looking facepaint, tells her their engagement is off. Her response? “Whatever.”
Another hype video for Brandon aired in aid of BAN, this time focusing on his achievements as one half of the Meanest Girls/MalFizzle.
In yet another rematch from Bitch! Put The Fork Down (seriously, do these people have no fresh ideas?), Kelly Kelly challenged Tiffany for the Women’s Championship. After a scrappy affair that caused JR to bust out the ol’ “bowling shoe ugly” analogy, Tiffany managed to get her knees up in the corner and thwart a running handspring elbow attempt. Smelling blood, the devious Champion quickly capitalised and hit her patented Bitch Slap which was enough for the pinfall. Afterwards, Tiffany takes a mic and dedicates her victory to her partner in crime. “B, this ones for you!” “Love you, boo!” The camera cuts to the back where the Beautiful People are watching Tiffany’s celebration on a monitor in their private dressing room. Angelina, Velvet and Lacey all look decidedly unimpressed with our Women’s Champion.
There was another chapter in the rivalry between Jason and Justin Gabriel this week when they squared off in tag-team action. Per the orders of our GM, Sable, they would each select a partner of their choosing for the upcoming match. Justin chose his old Nexus ally, Wade Barrett. Jason, meanwhile, pulled off quite the coup when he unveiled his partner…“The Champ” himself, John Cena! The makeshift duo of Jason and Cena worked surprisingly well together. After JC clotheslined Wade over the top rope he hit the FU (no AA here, bitch!) on Justin before tagging in Jason and allowing him to get the win for the team after he hit a Skull Snap on the already unconscious Justin just for good measure. Cena and Jason shook hands afterwards and basked in the cheers of the crowd.
Yet another BAN video tribute aired, this time showing clipped highlights of Brandon defeating Jayzero in their ladder match at Bitch! Put The Fork Down. Of course, the footage of Tiffany and co. interfering was conveniently omitted.
And finally, we arrived at our final destination for the evening. The celebration ceremony for our hero, the incomparable World Champ himself, Brandon! Tiffany (now sporting a sexy black sequin Dolce & Gabbana dress after her third wardrobe change of the evening), of course, was front and centre in the ring ready to introduce her boy, flanked by Meanest Girls henchmen Rene Dupree and Jazz. “Ladies and gentlemen…or whatever you people are…it brings me great pleasure to welcome the man we’re all here for tonight!” “The co-founder of Meanest Girls…the Heavyweight Champion of the World…my Lil’ B!” “Give it up for Brandon!!!” Tiffany excitedly jumps up and down clapping as the man of the hour finally steps through the curtain rocking a baby-blue three piece suit and pink shirt (which was quite the sight, to say the least) to the sound of 20,000 people booing his ass out of the building! Anyone who imitates The Miz’s fashion sense deserves to be booed, imo. Brandon walks down theredpink carpet in the entrance way sarcastically waving at fans on his way. He enters the ring and air-kisses Tiffany on the cheek before taking a seat in the specially designed throne set up for him. “Don’t you think they’re taking this a little too far?” ponders JR from the announce table. Jazz hands the Champ his World title belt and Rene places a pink and diamond tiara on his head. Tiffany hands him the mic but before he can even utter a word he is bombarded with chants of “you suck!” He gazes out at the audience with a look of disgust on his face before eventually delivering his speech. “So it‘s come to this…Brandon Appreciation Night.“ “I always knew I was more fortunate than everyone else but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine such an honour would be bestowed upon me.” He proceeds to read out a rather lengthy prepared statement detailing his accolades since the formation of Beautiful Persons just 6 short months ago and generally kisses his own ass. He finishes up by declaring himself “the greatest Superstar in Beautiful Persons history” and disingenuously thanks everyone for attending tonight, saying he “wouldn’t be where I am today without all your love and support…actually, I totally would because I don‘t need a single one of you “people“ but you‘re welcome for having me anyway I suppose.” The “boring” chants that had accompanied his statement made way for cries of “ass-hole! ass-hole!” Maybe that’s their own way of showing appreciation? Brandon rose from his throne, hugged Tiffany and raised his World Championship belt high in the air as pink and gold confetti and balloons rain down from the rafters. The Meanest Girls made their way up the ramp laughing and looking very satisfied with themselves. But wait, we’re not done here! As they were halfway up the ramp Brandon’s theme cut off and after some interference a strange video played on the titantron as B and Tiff looked on. We here at BeautifulPersons.com have re-watched this video multiple times since it first aired. In between unidentifiable images we could make out certain words and numbers flashing by the screen including “Payback’s a bitch”, “E-K-R-U-B”, “211”, “This is not a rip-off. Nope. You‘ve never seen anything like this before. Totally original“ “Second coming“, “9/7/11”, and finally “HE will return” just before it fades to black. After viewing the video, the concerned and confused looking Meanest Girls quickly made their way to the back only to be confronted by BP GM Sable. The already shaken and for once speechless Brandon was distraught to learn that after much consideration, she’s decided that Jayzero deserves one more shot at the World Championship. And he’ll get it next week live on No Fatties Allowed! Sable announced that this would be “the final chapter” and there would be no more rematches, regardless of the outcome. And one more thing, the GM added, pointing at Tiffany, “she is banned from ringside.” A furious Tiffany had to be restrained by the bumbling Frenchman Rene Dupree before she could get at our esteemed boss. NFA went off the air with a dejected Brandon looking devastated while JR and Booker hype next weeks historic main event.
NFA 8/31/11 (aka Brandon Appreciation Night) Quick Results:
European Champion Worldsstrongestman def THE Tarrynator via DQ
John Morrison def Tiarnán
Womens Champion Tiffany def Kelly Kelly
Jason & John Cena def Justin Gabriel & Wade Barrett
Next week on No Fatties Allowed!:
Will Brandon-Jayzero III live up to the huge expectations their previous two epic encounters have set? Will we find out the meaning of that mysterious video? And who the “HE” is who has promised to return?? (gee, we have no idea who that could possibly be) Find out next Wednesday on No Fatties Allowed live on BPTV!
The show opened with our new BP Women’s Champion Tiffany already standing in the middle of the ring holding a microphone and taunting fans at ringside. “If I was as ugly as all of you people I would probably boo me too.” “Jealousy is a disease…an ugly disease by the looks of it.” Once she realised she was live on the air she quickly switched focus to more pressing matters, namely her opponent tonight, Kelly Kelly. She revealed that Kelly had opted to trigger her official rematch clause tonight and her return Women’s title bout would take place later this evening. The Meanest Girls H.B.I.C. intimated that she would make short work of Kelly and “get rid of her once and for all.” “Now, onto more relevant matters.” “As you all know, earlier this week I exclusively revealed to BeautifulPersons.com that I would have a major announcement for you all here tonight.” “Are you all excited to hear it??!” Boos rained down from the sold out crowd in attendance. “I knew you would be!” She directed the fans attention towards the titantron where a video package played (narrated by herself). “Handsome…successful…elegant…selfless…and did we mention handsome?” “These are the qualities of a Champion.” “But not just any Champion, the Beautiful Persons Heavyweight Champion of the World.” An obnoxiously large close-up picture of Beautiful Persons own World Champion Brandon’s grinning face flashed over the screen as fans began chanting “bullshit.” “The world is cordially invited to attend a celebration…a celebration of excellence.” “Ladies and gentlemen, on this night, August 31st, 2011, we bring to you…Brandon Appreciation Night!” Thunderous boos echo throughout the arena as the video finally comes to a close and the camera cuts back to Tiffany in the ring. “Oh my God!” “ If it wouldn’t mess up my make-up I would cry right now!” She said that Brandon’s heroic effort on Sunday in retaining his World title “all on his own” against Jayzero in a ladder match was the crowning achievement of his career and should be celebrated as such. She proceeded to lavish some more praise upon her “bb” Brandon before finally heading to the back grinning from ear to ear with a smile as evil as it was delightful.
Kicking off the in-ring action tonight was a rematch from Sunday with newly crowned European Champion Worldsstrongestman putting his title on the line against the former 2 time Champion looking to make it 3, THE Tarrynator. The arrogant Englishman obviously wasn’t in the mood to compete tonight as he proceeded to kick WSM in the balls seconds after the opening bell rang, getting himself intentionally disqualified. After this underhanded manoeuvre, Tarry casually strolled to the timekeepers position and picked up a steel chair. “Maybe he just wants to take a seat after such a gruelling contest” opined Booker T on commentary. JR could be seen on camera visibly shaking his head in response as Tarry re-entered the ring. As WSM lay on the mat, still recovering, the former European Champion unloaded with close to a dozen vicious chair shots to the back of the new Champion. This cold and calculated attack finally came to a halt when Mark Henry ran (well, it was running by Mark Henry standards) out to make the save for his on-again/off-again tag-team partner. Tarry slid out of the ring as the behemoth approached and calmly walked to the back as Henry checked on his fallen friend.
In honour of Brandon Appreciation Night (or BAN, as all the relevant people are calling it), a video package is played highlighting his World Championship victory from back in July.
The ever excitable and rather annoying AJ interviewed Jayzero backstage and asked for his thoughts regarding his classic World Championship bout with Brandon on Sunday and tonight officially being declared BAN. Noting how he was screwed out of becoming Champion by Brandon‘s BFF Tiffany and the rest of the Meanest Girls’ cronies, Jay said it was a shame that an all-time great match like that had to end in such a cheap fashion. He warned Brandon that he still had a score to settle with him and that when, not if, they step in the ring together again, he‘s leaving with the BP World Championship. “And that, I will be able to appreciate.”
In our second rematch from Sunday, Tiarnán battled the wannabe rockstar, John Morrison. After a fast paced back and forth match, Tiarnán set up for his signature Snap Reverse DDT but HoMo slipped out, rolled him up (with a handful of tights!) and picked up the cheap win. The conflicted Irishman pleaded with the referee afterwards to reverse the decision, to no avail. “This isn’t fair!” he screamed. “Did you see that?…he grabbed my tights!…you had to have seen that?!” he pleaded to the announcers at ringside. Taking a mic and re-entering the ring, Tiarnán says he can’t let this injustice go. He won’t leave the ring until the decision has been officially overturned. Ugh, let’s cut to commercial. We’re back. Oh, he’s still here. Well, this is awkward. “I’m not kidding!” “I’ll stay here all night long if I have to!” “I don‘t deserve to be treated like…” *I HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD* cuts him off as Randy Orton makes his way to the ring. “I’ve had just about enough of our whining” the Viper mumbles before dropping T with an RKO in the middle of the ring much to the crowds delight. Hey, maybe that’ll teach him not to try and take the show hostage again?
Beautiful Persons’ resident odd couple, Goldust and Jessica, are overheard having a heated argument in their locker room. “What the hell is this??” the Golden One screams revealing a picture on a cell phone of Jessica and Edge in a compromising situation that was most definitely Rated R. “Hey, what are you doing with my phone!” his fiancée enquires. “That’s private!” Goldie smashes the phone against the wall, falls to his knees, and begins sobbing uncontrollably. “I thought you were the one!” “How could I be so wrong??!” Jessica says it’s no big deal, it was just one time and it “wasn’t even that great anyway.” Goldust pulls himself to his feet, looks Jessica dead in her eyes and with tears dripping down his face ruining his already cheap looking facepaint, tells her their engagement is off. Her response? “Whatever.”
Another hype video for Brandon aired in aid of BAN, this time focusing on his achievements as one half of the Meanest Girls/MalFizzle.
In yet another rematch from Bitch! Put The Fork Down (seriously, do these people have no fresh ideas?), Kelly Kelly challenged Tiffany for the Women’s Championship. After a scrappy affair that caused JR to bust out the ol’ “bowling shoe ugly” analogy, Tiffany managed to get her knees up in the corner and thwart a running handspring elbow attempt. Smelling blood, the devious Champion quickly capitalised and hit her patented Bitch Slap which was enough for the pinfall. Afterwards, Tiffany takes a mic and dedicates her victory to her partner in crime. “B, this ones for you!” “Love you, boo!” The camera cuts to the back where the Beautiful People are watching Tiffany’s celebration on a monitor in their private dressing room. Angelina, Velvet and Lacey all look decidedly unimpressed with our Women’s Champion.
There was another chapter in the rivalry between Jason and Justin Gabriel this week when they squared off in tag-team action. Per the orders of our GM, Sable, they would each select a partner of their choosing for the upcoming match. Justin chose his old Nexus ally, Wade Barrett. Jason, meanwhile, pulled off quite the coup when he unveiled his partner…“The Champ” himself, John Cena! The makeshift duo of Jason and Cena worked surprisingly well together. After JC clotheslined Wade over the top rope he hit the FU (no AA here, bitch!) on Justin before tagging in Jason and allowing him to get the win for the team after he hit a Skull Snap on the already unconscious Justin just for good measure. Cena and Jason shook hands afterwards and basked in the cheers of the crowd.
Yet another BAN video tribute aired, this time showing clipped highlights of Brandon defeating Jayzero in their ladder match at Bitch! Put The Fork Down. Of course, the footage of Tiffany and co. interfering was conveniently omitted.
And finally, we arrived at our final destination for the evening. The celebration ceremony for our hero, the incomparable World Champ himself, Brandon! Tiffany (now sporting a sexy black sequin Dolce & Gabbana dress after her third wardrobe change of the evening), of course, was front and centre in the ring ready to introduce her boy, flanked by Meanest Girls henchmen Rene Dupree and Jazz. “Ladies and gentlemen…or whatever you people are…it brings me great pleasure to welcome the man we’re all here for tonight!” “The co-founder of Meanest Girls…the Heavyweight Champion of the World…my Lil’ B!” “Give it up for Brandon!!!” Tiffany excitedly jumps up and down clapping as the man of the hour finally steps through the curtain rocking a baby-blue three piece suit and pink shirt (which was quite the sight, to say the least) to the sound of 20,000 people booing his ass out of the building! Anyone who imitates The Miz’s fashion sense deserves to be booed, imo. Brandon walks down the
NFA 8/31/11 (aka Brandon Appreciation Night) Quick Results:
European Champion Worldsstrongestman def THE Tarrynator via DQ
John Morrison def Tiarnán
Womens Champion Tiffany def Kelly Kelly
Jason & John Cena def Justin Gabriel & Wade Barrett
Next week on No Fatties Allowed!:
Will Brandon-Jayzero III live up to the huge expectations their previous two epic encounters have set? Will we find out the meaning of that mysterious video? And who the “HE” is who has promised to return?? (gee, we have no idea who that could possibly be) Find out next Wednesday on No Fatties Allowed live on BPTV!
