Man Breaks Plate Across Partner's Face Over Music

[Brandon]

JACKSONVILLE, Florida (WTEV) - A man was arrested and booked into the Duval County Jail after he allegedly hit his boyfriend in the face with a plate.

Police say the cause of the fight was over Alanis Morissette songs.

It happened on Sunday near the 1400 block of Palm Ave.

The Florida Times Union reports that when police asked 24-year-old Allen Blair Casey if the cause of the plate attack was because his boyfriend was listening to Morissette's music, Casey replied, "That's all that --- ---- listens to."

Police report the victim suffered a large cut on his face.

Casey was arrested and charged with domestic battery.

According to cops, when asked why he did it, Casey said:

"That's all the mother****er listens to"

---

The good sis Florida never disappoints.

[Mutant Couch]

I do not blame him at all. Also, I'm thinking about importing local newspapers from Florida. I'm pretty sure every story is similar.

[Brandon]

This begs the question: What song would you maim someone over?

A trip to the ER would definitely be had if I had to listen to that Gotye song on loop.

[Tiffany]

Alanis isn't worth it.

[Burke]

It's weird, I don't know a single Alanis Morrisette song. And I'd have to Google her to even recognise what she looks like.

I mean, I know her name and I know she's a singer but she's one of those celebrities I've somehow managed to go all these years without really having to pay any attention to.

[Mutant Couch]

Feb 16, 2013 13:32:07 GMT -5 Brandon said:

This begs the question: What song would you maim someone over?

Anything at all by Bryan Adams.

[Mutant Couch]

Can this double as a Florida news thread?

No sex spurred robbery, man tells cops

A man in Brevard County told police he robbed a 7-Eleven in Palm Bay with a BB gun on June 28 partly because he was upset his fiancé refused to have sex with him, Florida Today is reporting.

James M. Seehaus also said he needed money for car insurance.

[Mutant Couch]

Spring breaker on Fort Myers Beach accused of urinating inside deputy's patrol car

A spring breaker was arrested Monday morning on Fort Myers Beach after he urinated in a Lee County deputy’s patrol car and on the deputy’s lunch.

Lee County deputies responded to the Pink Shell Resort on Estero Boulevard, Fort Myers Beach around 1:50 a.m. Monday to a report of spring breakers smashing bottles on the resort property, according to a Lee County Sheriff’s Office report.

A deputy identified three people involved in the incident. He placed one, Chris Brennan, 18, of Estero, in his patrol car for officer safety purposes. The deputy then interviewed the other two people.

Brennan began thrashing around in the back of the patrol car, banging his head on the window bars and screaming.

The deputy told Brennan to stop, and Brennan told the deputy “I will piss in your car.”

Brennan then urinated through the screen cage in the deputy’s car and on several of the deputy’s personal items, including his cell phone, lunch bag, water bottles and several items issued to him by the sheriff’s office.

Brennan was arrested on a charge of resisting an officer without violence. He was transported to Lee County Jail.

[Mutant Couch]

Florida Man Scratching His Balls Starts Domestic Dispute

Can't a dude lie on his couch and scratch his balls in peace without his ole lady hassling him?

Well, one man decided to take a stand to being able to nutscratch as a free man whenever he damned well pleases.

Unfortunately, he went about it the wrong way, pushed his lady, and was charged with simple battery, setting back man's struggles to scratch his nards in relative peace and without harassment.

According to a Manatee County Sheriff's Office arrest affidavit, Ronald Howard Jr. was sitting on his couch in his Bradenton home, minding his own business while going to town on his boys.

His live-in girlfriend, Shalamar, told him to stop scratching his danglies, because she was about to have dinner and it was totally grossing her out seeing her boyfriend digging into his pants and rasping his beanbags.

Shalamar called it "rude and disgusting," according to the affidavit.

But Howard, 30, did not care for being told to hold off on the ball-scratching by his girlfriend, who weirdly doesn't enjoy the imagery of a man playing with his hairy cod while she tries to eat.

According to cops, Howard got up from the couch and got into Shalamar's face. He also screamed at her to "stop judging him."

Howard then allegedly pushed Shalamar into the kitchen, which caused her to fall and injure her ankle. He then grabbed her and threw her out of their apartment, shouting, "Get the hell out!" according to the arrest report.

When cops showed up, Howard told them the whole fracas began when his lady punched him in the eye for scratching his manjiggles and proceeded to claim self-defense.

But it's difficult to prove you've been punched in the eye when your eye isn't swollen or bruised or scratched in any way, so the deputy wasn't buying it.

Shalamar, on the other hand, had visible injuries on her leg from falling in the kitchen.

Keep on fighting for your right to scratch your balls freely, men. Just don't literally fight.

Also, hold off on grating your nutsack while your lady is about to eat. That or go to the bathroom and do your thing.

[Brandon]

I'm not even making a new thread for Florida's shit.

[Burke]

I love how "WTF Florida" has its own category there.

After reading all these stories I'm gonna start having nightmares about something crazy happening to me when I'm there next year. If I end up making the news because I was jumped in the street by a bunch of drugged up teens dressed as the Ninja Turtles or something then at least make sure to post the story here.

[jayzero42690]

Please. You'd get your own current events thread and a "this day in history" post every year.

[Tarry]

[Mutant Couch]

In her defense that seems like something 911 should cover.

[Burke]

Craigslist ad from (where else??) Florida: